Oh boy. You mean as if this recovery process wasn’t hard enough, I now had to turn my life and will over to the care of God as I understood Him? For me, God was always taught as the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and I had accepted Jesus Christ as my Personal Savior when I was in the second grade. I went out into the hallway with my sweet, devoted teacher Mrs. Hammock and right there and then I gave my life to Christ. However, if I had become saved and supposedly received some sort of Holy “immunity” against all evils and afflictions, why the heck had I developed a chronic and serious eating disorder that same year? Wasn’t God supposed to shield me from that?
In fact, come to think of it, about that time is when I remember starting to encounter all sorts of terrible abuses, issues, traumas, deaths, and they never stopped. If God was with me, He sure as heck didn’t care to give me an all access pass to life, liberty and the right to happiness. No, I wallowed for a long time in my own self pity and that my dear friends, is what kept me in my own unhappiness and addictions.
Once I really hit rock bottom in 2010 emotionally and decided to recommit my life to Christ, seek professional therapy for my past, and get help for my eating disorder, for the first time in my life, then I saw what God could do for me. But I had to turn my life over to Him every day. I have a disease of addiction that tells me that I don’t have a disease. It’s a constant release of pride, selfishness, jealousy and fantasy in exchange for living in the now moment, humility, powerlessness and realism. It’s understanding that truly only God can restore me to sanity and without turning over my addiction and those tempting moments over to Him, I will forever be living in denial and relapse; a deadly fantasy.
So, for today’s recovery on Step three, here are some very thought provoking questions for you to meditate on. I encourage you to take the time every day to go over these and answer honestly, it’s one of the best ways you can love yourself into wholeness. These questions are reprinted from the Life Recovery Workbook by Stephen Arterburn and David Stoop, pages 25-28.
1. What in my life has taught me not to trust God?
2. What have I done to cause others not to trust me?
3. What keeps me from surrendering to God?
Free to Choose
1.What is it about my understanding of God that blocks me from deciding to turn my life and my will over to His care?
2. How does fear affect my choices?
Giving up control
1. Where did I get the illusion that I can control other people or my circumstances, job or life?
2. What stops me from giving up my life, so that I can find the life God intends for me?
Redeeming the Past
1. How do I hold God the Redeemer at arm’s length? Why?
2. What fears have the most power in my life?
3. How is shame connected to fear in me?
Submission and Rest
1. Why do I think that I am able to handle my addictions/dependencies on my own with no help from outside myself?
2. How ready am I to be taught?
3. What characteristics interfere with my being taught by Jesus or another person?
1. How does my life reflect my image of God at any given moment?
2. How do I define the word surrender?
3. What is the difference between “my will” and “my life”?
1. What does resistance look like in my life?
2. What do I have to face in myself when I draw close to God?
3. How is addiction connected to my resistance to God’s direction in my life?