Big thanks to Grazia France magazine for mentioning my story as a successful model who experienced sexual assault and harassment alongside Cameron Russell’s story.
En février 2018, l’ancien top américain, Nikki Dubose publiera un livre dans lequel elle racontera son calvaire vécu pendant sa carrière de mannequin. Notamment les viols à répétition dont elle a été victime de la part de son ancien agent. Un récit puissant qui encourage à faire bouger les lignes dans l’industrie de la mode.
There is strength in numbers and if you are interested in understanding what happened to me, please pick up my memoir, Washed Away: From Darkness to Light, out now on Amazon.
I often receive emails from people I have never met, but who have stumbled upon my articles or news about my books or work. It is very encouraging to my heart and mission when I open my inbox and read words of kindness. In today’s world, kindness is needed more than ever. Take the following email I recently received, for example. It comes from Mr. Roderick Nu Darby, the owner of Soulful Eats in Abbeville, Louisiana.
I just wanted to email you and encourage you to keep doing what GOD puts on your heart. So many people are living in this world without the direction and leadership of GOD. I’m offshore in the gulf of mexico on a oil rig, and I was doing some research on the illuminati and modeling industry was linked. I also have a family member in the modeling industry so I wanted to research more and I seen your videos. I have friends all over the world, and I encourage them daily with scripture. I have people I minister to with similar childhood stories as yours that made me very emotional. I tell people all the time the devil wants to destroy our kids at early ages, if we don’t put them in position to understand and feel the power of GOD they will yeild to the temptations the devil brings into their lives. I recall one lady I met with a similar childhood story. She said, “I forgave all the men that raped me, abused me in marriages, but the hardest thing to do was to forgive my mom who physically abused me as a baby and young child.” She also said, “I forgave my mom on her dying bed and felt a peace after doing it.”
The more positive people we have in our lives,the better we become at defeating the devil daily. If you respond or not to this email it doesn’t matter, I just had to encourage you by saying GOD is well pleased. Some of your days may be rough, but keep praying and trusting GOD to lead and order your footsteps daily. My name is Roderick from Louisiana. Have a Blessed Day my sister and Keep fighting for the truth. GOD word must prevail in this last hour.
Much Love and Peace
Last week I had a book signing for my memoir, Washed Away: From Darkness to Light in Montgomery, Alabama and it was received with much love. Thank you to each and every person who came and shared about what God has done in their lives; I walked away with life long friends!
It was also an honor to speak and share my testimony with Saints Movement Worship Center International Church, and with Shemika Thomas of Diamonds Mentoring Program. I believe that my personal relationship with Jesus has been an integral part of my healing from addiction, child trauma, eating disorders, and other maladaptive coping behaviors, and even as someone who is studying to be a psychologist, I understand the importance of taking care of our mental and emotional health. But I cannot deny the power of the Holy Spirit when we let him into our hearts and souls – He and only He has the power to heal and restore any affliction and through His love we can become Whole and go out into the world and help others go on to lead healthy and productive lives as well!
We will have a fully edited video of my testimony on the website next week!
Signing copies of Washed Away: From Darkness to Light at Saints Movement Worship Center International Church in Montgomery, Alabama, September 23, 2017.
Taking photos with a sweet fan.
Mrs. Shemika Thomas of Diamonds Mentoring & Empowerment Program, Mrs. Lucille Allen, and Mrs. Gwen Lewis of Saints Movement Worship Center International Church, who hosted me and my book signing.
Pastor Theodore Lewis, husband of Gwen Lewis and head of Saints Movement Worship Center International Church. They are some of the most caring and kindest people she has ever met. True story: Pastor Lewis and Mrs. Gwen never intended to start a church and definitley not what it is now; they started the church in their living room and people kept coming. But where God guides, He provides!
Washed Away: From Darkness to Light is a touching and unforgettable book written by Nikki DuBose and co-written by James Johanson. It is a moving and shocking memoir of a former supermodel as she recounts her dark and painful childhood which deeply affected her self-perception and thrust her to a life of alcohol and substance abuse, eating disorder, psychosis, body dysmorphic disorder and suicide.
Read the full review on The Aspiring Wordsmith.
You know when you read a book, and once you’ve put it down, you’re still thinking about it, yeah? Well, that was with me with this book. Washed Away: From Darkness to Light is one of the most beautiful books I’ve ever read. A heartwarming but equally heartbreaking tale of one girl’s struggle through child abuse, addiction, a chaotic family life, rape, grief and complex mental health problems.
A good book has to trigger emotions, whether that be happiness, sadness, anger or something else. I cried while reading this book, so I think it’s safe to say what emotion it provoked. I was deeply touched by Nikki’s struggles. I couldn’t fathom how someone could go through so much yet still be fighting on. And for that, I only have admiration for Nikki. The courage it must have taken to keep going is unthinkable.
Read the full review on A Beautiful Chaos.
This week I’m thrilled to bring you part one of my interview with Nikki Dubose; a former Super Model turned author, ambassador, and mental health & Addiction and Alcoholism recovery advocate. Nikki’s memoir “Washed Away: From Darkness to Light” is a stunningly honest and vulnerable account of her life. Nikki suffered unthinkable early childhood trauma; and soon after began a life and death battle with eating disorders, mental illness, alcoholism, and addiction.
A childhood poisoned by abuse led her into the dystopian world of high-fashion. Imagine a woman in the grips of anorexia, being rewarded with fame and riches for her failing, frail body and even more fragile mind. It’s hard for me to wrap my mind around, but Nikki’s words gave me a glimpse of that world.
Nikki has since recovered from her seventeen year battle with bulimia and anorexia. She’s written a captivating memoir.
The real beauty in this book is the ability to relate. Self-help books are brilliant, don’t get me wrong, but there’s only so many you can read before you start thinking you’re reading ‘an idiot’s guide to…’ by someone who read a textbook 15 years ago. (Although there are some brilliant ones out there, Chloe Brotheridge I’m looking at you!) Sometimes it’s great to be able to hear someone’s story, and to know that you are not alone.
“Whenever I look at my reflection today, I just see me. Sure it changes, but that’s because I’m changing and I’m okay with that. There’s no monster, and if one does appear, I fight back with positive, loving thoughts and words. Monsters don’t like it when you fight back because then they don’t have the power anymore” – DuBose
This book left a dull ache in my heart and strong respect for DuBose, both in battling these unbearable hardships and for having the courage to share them with the world. I know that this book will strike chords with many and offer hope that you can come out stronger, wiser and more beautiful.
Read the full review at Gemma Callaway.
I partnered with Rise Together to bring awareness to the millions who are affected by suicide, bullying, addiction, and more during #NationalRecoveryMonth.
I’m #SpeakingOutLouder because I am a survivor of suicide. In fact, my entire life I’ve dealt with suicidal ideation. My mother was in and out of mental care facilities when I was a teen because she attempted against her life. Some of my friends and family members did not survive suicide, and I believe that if we, as a society, put an end to the shaming, hatred, and blaming, we can help prevent suicide. I think that we have to work together to look for better suicide prevention strategies and invest more in mental health. Every life is precious, and everybody has something valuable to contribute to the world.
Model, Author, Advocate, Survivor
How are YOU SpeakingOutLouder during #NationalRecoveryMonth? Take a pic with the #SpeakingOutLouder and post on social!
Use a paper, your phone notes, your computer, the back of a receipt, your arm, a napkin; anything that you can write on. Jot this down & think about it. ✨
Journaling truly changed my life. I stopped allowing myself to hide from quiet moments where I was too afraid to be alone with my thoughts and, instead, wrote them down. It’s not something that anyone “wants” to do necessarily, especially when they’ve been accumulating so much negative self talk & hate for themselves over years of suffering. But that’s one of those “choosing recovery” moments. You have to know yourself to save yourself. ✨
This question is one that really put me off when I was early in my recovery. I didn’t want to admit that I had a weakness, even if I would tell myself my weaknesses in my head all the time. Writing it down on paper was too vulnerable & too close to letting anyone know (even if no one read my journal) that I wasn’t perfect. ✨
My greatest weakness is my empathy & care for others. It has been the driving force of destruction in a lot of my relationships. I care so much that the other person becomes so important to me that I am constantly wanting to take care of them. I forget to take care of me. I lose touch with myself, and then I lose the person when I try to step down from 100% there to 50% there. It’s been a pattern that has repeated itself for my entire life.
My empathy and care for others is also my greatest strength. I found that the best way to stay true to myself and my love for service & making others happy is to reserve those acts for strangers or people who I do not have long relationships with. Every day, I make at least one random person that I interact with happy, and it’s not to feel good about myself. It’s because I feel drawn to them, and connected with their feelings. I feel empathy.
Sometimes it turns out to be extremely detrimental for my own wellbeing & relationships, but a lot of the time it is something that makes me happy to be who I am. A true empathetic heart is hard to come across. & it’s taken me a LONG time to admit it, but I was born with that heart. And that’s pretty freakin awesome. ✨
#Repost @cosmiccolette (@get_repost)
WHAT YOU COULDN’T TELL 😔💔 One of the major misconceptions about mental illnesses is that you have to LOOK sad/sick to have one. Even after having a mental illness for 5 years I still believed this myself and it prevented me from seeking help. Instead of getting the treatment I deserved, I tried to numb the pain myself. At my worst, I would go on multiple nights out a week and get as drunk as possible and get with as many guys as I could too! 😣 On the outside it looked like I was a normal teenager just having fun partying (see left photo). What you couldn’t see was that my life was falling apart. Before every party I would starve all day and at the end of every night I would lock myself in my room and binge until I made myself sick. I would end every night in floods of tears and even scream into my pillow and self harm because I was so hysterical. I tried to get with as many guys as I could because it boosted my self esteem for that short moment. I placed all of my self worth on what other people thought of me. On my outer appearance. I was lost and couldn’t see anything good about myself, and was battling with suicidal thoughts every day. Of course on the outside you couldn’t tell this, and I even stopped visiting my family so they wouldn’t question my behaviours. I became friends with people who were also mentally ill so I could hide and stay sick. Nothing got better until I accepted that I couldn’t survive like this anymore. I was leading a double life and I was at rock bottom. I did so many things to turn my life around. I cut out toxic friendships, I went to the doctor and got professional help, I did CBT, I finally opened up to my family, I stopped using sex/dating as a coping mechanism… and more!! Now I am finally free of mental illness and all I want is to help others. This is why I wrote a book all about the 23 stages I took to get myself back. 70+ pages of my story with advice for you included. Details about my disorder, my friendships, my past relationships and how I came through the other side. If you want to get your copy the link is in my Instagram bio 💖😊 Their is little difference between the two photos..
Nikki DuBose sat down with Kristi Cheek, Registered Nurse, yoga instructor, holistic health counselor and coach to talk about why recovery from mental illness is not perfect and her experience overcoming abuse, eating disorders, and more as covered in her memoir, Washed Away: From Darkness to Light.
“I am not much of a book reader. I can never seem to get into them because I am forever distracted, forever busy. However when I got offered to read ‘Washed Away’ I could not say no.
Nikki Dubose is no doubt a very brave and inspiring woman who has been through more than most but I love how she has used her negative past to inspire others. It was a book that made me a feel a mix of emotions. Surprised, shocked and sad but also inspired by her bravery.”
Read the full review at United As One Voice.
Continuing from the last post about my mother’s Bipolar diagnosis and artistic abilities, I thought I’d also touch on how painting can help those who suffer from depression. My mother had serious bouts of depression, where she would sleep for days, sometimes weeks on end. In 2015 I was also diagnosed with clinical depression. In honor of my mother and to help with my depression, I began teaching art therapy techniques to help other…
Read the full post on PsychCentral.
My mother was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder when I was a teenager, and for most of my life, I didn’t understand many of the things she said or did. After she passed in 2012, I began my healing journey from trauma, anorexia, and related disorders, and after a couple years, began educating myself about Bipolar, a condition that once terrified me.
My mother was a tremendous artist, gifted; and although she touched many with her creative talents, she could never come to…
Read the rest of the post on PsychCentral.
Five years ago: For the love of Sandy
Five years ago, my mother Sandy passed away in a car accident. Although the initial investigation from the Charleston County Sheriff’s Office stated that the cause of her accident was due to “some sort of a tire issue, causing the vehicle to veer off the road,” what my family and I know many years and one book later, is that her death was due to alcoholism, and potentially being attacked while driving.
Read the full post on PsychCentral
One day I know
When the twighlight last glows
She will return to me.
Ever so sweetly
Ever so softly,
My beautiful mother.
-2017 Nikki DuBose
Nikki Dubose, author, speaker and mental health advocate states: “I watched a little of “To The Bone.” As a former entertainer, I know that losing weight for your craft is seen as an art, but I also know that the environment can push you to engage in maladaptive behaviors.
I nearly lost my life trying to fit into what the entertainment and modeling industry wanted, and I don’t think it’s wise for an actress with a prior history of an eating disorder to lose that much weight, neither is it wise for the studios to cast someone who had an ED. It can be very triggering to the brain, emotions, and body. “
Read the full article on Eating Disorder Hope.
Shifting the Focus From Weight to Feelings
Australian-based photographer Jennifer Blau decided to take the focus off of appearance with eating disorder sufferers. She purposefully shot those who were at a societally acceptable “normal weight .”
Because eating disorders affect people at all shapes and sizes, Blau had a desire to tilt more on the message that it’s what’s on the inside that matters, as well as our feelings; society needs to be aware, educated, and sensitive to this message. Her exhibition is appropriately entitled “Just Ask Me How I Feel,” on display at Manly-Library .
Read the full blog at Eating Disorder Hope.
Earlier this year, I was very kindly gifted a copy of ‘Washed Away: From Darkness To Light’, a memoir written by former model and turned author and advocate, Nikki DuBose. Within the book, Nikki documents some of her most personal life events, from childhood sexual abuse to revealing how the model industry fuelled her all-encompassing battle with various eating disorders.
I’ll admit, I was a little hesitant to read and review it at first as I didn’t think it would be my cup of tea. I don’t have much interest in fashion or modelling and so was quick to dismiss the book in it’s entirety. The second I heard the words ‘mental health’ and ‘modelling’ in the same sentence, I couldn’t help but fear that this book might glamorise mental illness and in particular, eating disorders.
However, you know what they say: ‘never judge a book by it’s cover’ and in this circumstance, that saying proved truer than ever.
Read the full review at Above Anxiety.
Inner beauty: you can’t sell it, but it’s your most important feature. Every month on magazine covers, we buy into the promise of “ten steps to…” a better body, bank account, romance, and more, but we hardly focus on the one thing that really matters, which is our souls.
Real happiness is found on the inside. However, we rush off to the stores in an effort to buy our way to true bliss, and this is what keeps us perpetually trapped in the advertising illusion. Things are not bad, neither is wanting to be beautiful, but our minds, souls, and emotions are precious, and they make up the foundation to which all other forms of joy grow. If our minds are out of balance, then how can we expect to ever be truly happy? If we fail to nourish our souls first, then we will never see ourselves as truly beautiful, and we may constantly look to others to validate us.
Read the full post on Book Spin.
“I posted my last Bookshelf Update post alllll the way back in November of last year, but with the mountains of uni work I’ve been ploughing through as part of my Masters degree, I haven’t had much time for recreational reading! However, I’ve collated all of the books I’ve read since my last update post here to share a huge collective review with you all today! But don’t worry, all the reviews are spoiler free, so if you want to pick up any of the books that I’ve read, the plot twists won’t be ruined for you!
Washed Away: From Darkness to Light by Nikki DuBose*
Washed Away is a candid and brutal memior, written by model Nikki DuBose, tracking her life from a shy child to through to a successful modelling career. Nikki charts her experiences with sexual violence, eating disorders, addiction, and mental health, being open and honest throughout, even when describing the most harrowing events. I have the upmost respect for Nikki for writing this, she proves that even if you’re going through the very darkest days of your life, you will come out the other side, and find strength in recovery. This book is extremely poignant and will stay with you for a long time: a must-read.”
Read the full review at Abbey Louisa Rose.
“Trauma survivors come from all walks of life, all over the world, and while each of us is a unique individual in our own right, our survivor stories are often very similar. It’s that similarity that helps us all connect, relate, and unite in a common goal of healing and awareness.
Those similarities were evident once again when I recently had the opportunity to speak with Abuse Survivor, Author, Advocate, and Ambassador, Nikki DuBose. It was such a privilege to spend some time talking with Nikki about not only her past; the abuse and trauma that she endured, but also about her advocacy work now and her amazing story of survival.”
Read the full interview with Matt and Nikki on The Good Men Project.
Listen as Nikki DuBose shares with Host Brett Francis why she made the decision to leave her modeling career behind in 2012 (hint: it has a lot to do with self-love)!
Some weekend inspiration for you ⭐️
#Repost @enjoythej0urney (@get_repost)
Do you attach meaning to certain objects and places? My whole life, I’ve
shoved away and hidden the things that bring up bad memories for me. I never throw them away (just in case, as my OCD says) but I try to keep things out of plain view that bring me pain. ⤵️
How do you do this with something as large as an apartment? How do you cover up every wall that reminds you of the people who hurt to remember? How do you stay recovered in a space where it feels like the ghost of your sick self is lingering?⤵️
I moved my room around. 3 times. I’ve changed the furniture in my living room. I’ve painted over my bedroom walls. I reorganized my kitchen. And in the midst of that, I started to understand that we can’t cover up every physical thing that reminds us of pain. When it’s just a stuffed animal in the closet, or a bed switched to a different side of the room, it’s one thing. When it’s desperately trying to find a way to remove every single thing that brings back the hurt, it’s unrealistic and unattainable. Once you can accept that, you can search for another solution.⤵️
My solution? Create new memories. It’ll feel wrong for awhile. You won’t want to laugh in the room that reminds you of betrayal & judgment, but if you try, you will. You’ll feel like staying in a room that does not make you feel anything at all, but you’ll push yourself to be uncomfortable instead. Slowly, you’ll accept the pain. You’ll notice your feelings and you’ll let them go. And then you’ll realize that it’s okay to release what once hurt so badly, because it does not negate the fact that it happened. You came, you saw, you felt. Now, you move on.
Nature is God’s artwork. Sometimes when I’m having a stressful day, I take a walk outside, breathe in the fresh air, and take photos of the beautiful nature that I’m so blessed to be surrounded by.
Growing up in Charleston, South Carolina, I was exposed to all kinds of plants and wildlife, from alligators to pelicans, Crepe myrtles to the hanging Spanish moss trees.
On the west coast, the nature is quite different, but absolutely lovely. Did you know that you can find art anywhere? Those exposed branches on the side of the road, the dying flower, and dried leaves are all beautiful, it just takes a bit
of mindfulness to appreciate their beauty.
It’s just like us, sometimes when we don’t feel at our best, we can’t see what’s beautiful about ourselves. But God sees us perfectly and complete. We are never washed up or too dull for Him. We are all part of a larger masterpiece, a divine art that spans for all eternity.
#Repost @fatisnotanadjective (@get_repost)
On May 28, 2013, my life turned upside down in a way I could never imagine. What started as a simple, online friendship turned into an in-person meet up that didn’t go as planned. It turned into a day that I would never forget. It was the day that I was sexually assaulted. Being 14 years old, I knew something wasn’t right but I was too scared to say something.
On May 28, 2014, I attempted to take my own life because to me, it seemed like there was no other way out. My mind was flooded with the “it was your fault” thoughts and the nightmares would not go away. I was unable to escape the constant flashbacks and the feelings of disgust. I wanted out.
On May 28, 2015, I would wake up everyday, still hoping that I could eventually shower away my disgust. I thought that washing away the external dirt would erase the dirtiness I felt, but it wouldn’t. So time and time again, I would keep trying.
On May 28, 2016, I came to the realization that I couldn’t do this alone. I told someone.. It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done but it was also the bravest thing. I wanted my life back and some day, I wanted my body to feel like my own.
Today, on May 28, 2017, I am refusing to give him the power any longer. This monster of a human is not worth my endless tears, horrible night terrors, continuous dissociation, and vivid flashbacks. I am worth more than what happened to me. My body belongs to me and it’s time for me to start treating it that way.
#Repost @leenahlovesherself (@get_repost)
I love how this photo is mostly black & white with a splash of color. When you’re struggling with mental
illness (or even just life in general) everything can seem like a blur and like every thing is very one-note – like there isn’t any color or light.
However, even in the worst times, there are some pops of color. It can be SO challenging to see them, but they are there.
One way that we can find these moments is by choosing to practice mindfulness. When we anchor ourselves to the present moment instead of being in the past or future, we are able to see the little pops of color that life has to offer, even when times are tough ✨
(Photo by @cmrfx, wearing an @aerie bralette and a @capezio tutu)
When you’re a crook, there are no limits to the depths you will go to cover up your filth. Just ask most of the New York politicians, including former Senator Craig Johnson, who is a key ally and fundraising partner for the Independent Democratic Conference, led by Senator Jeff Klein.
Read the full article on NY Daily News.
Trauma survivors come from all walks of life, all over the world, and while each of us are unique individuals in our own right, our survivor stories is often very similar. It’s that similarity that helps us all connect, relate, and unite in a common goal of healing and awareness.
Those similarities were evident once again, when I recently had the opportunity to speak with Abuse Survivor, Author, Advocate, and Ambassador, Nikki DuBose. It was such a privilege to spend some time talking with Nikki about not only her past; the abuse and trauma that she endured, but also about her advocacy work now and her amazing story of survival.
As a former model, Nikki has spent time in the public spotlight, living and working all over the world, but at the same time, also hiding a secret of a traumatic past that she could not escape.
Starting this Friday off with some #selflove and #beauty 💕💕💕💕 For my African Queens 👸🏽
As I previously mentioned, I will be posting some of the pages I have found the most inspirational throughout the month. Today- let’s show @sassy_latte some love!!! #Repost @sassy_latte
Black girl magic, you ask? Is it real?
We are told our skin is too dark, yet we glow with pride. We’re told our hair is kinky and short, yet we grow our Afros big enough to block out the sun and locs so long they drag on the ground. We’re slut shamed for birthing children by different men, yet we raise our children, often alone, with passion and perseverance. We’re told we’re ghetto, loud, and dumb, yet we’re quickly becoming the highest educated population in the country. We’re told throughout history that our bodies are exotic and should be used sexually, yet we’re learning to stand in solidarity and take back ownership of our sexuality. We’re painted as desperate arm candy to rappers and athletes, yet many of us own our own businesses and organizations.
The list goes on. The obstacles never end. The judgment never ceases. The only thing that holds true is that Black Women keep shedding light on these myths. We keep our heads held high. We keep surpassing boundaries placed around us. We keep charming the masses despite being told we’re nothing. We keep pushing back, fighting for ourselves and one another. We keep proving you wrong and changing your mind. What else could that be?… To come from the ashes of slavery in America, to endure the metaphorical shackles of the present, and to be born-again QUEENS? … It has to be Magic. Black Girl Magic. And only We have it.
After reading Nikki’s memoir I was lost for words. What a remarkable woman, I thought, and oh so courageous! To openly speak out about darker times in your past is draining, difficult and so daunting (I know because I’ve also opened up about my mental health issues through the form of poetry in book form). Putting it out there, for the world to see, is absolutely terrifying. And Nikki shares so much with us. You can’t fault a word in Nikki’s memoir: It is her whole life in your hands. You can feel it. You can feel her pain, her thought process, and more importantly – her desire to be loved. Nikki desperately wanted to be loved throughout her whole life and it breaks your heart reading about her life knowing that there is nothing you can do. I wanted to reach out to this young girl and tell her she is deeply loved – if only someone had.
Read the full review at Charlene McElhinney.
#Repost @fatisnotanadjective with @repostapp
Today’s theme for self love boot camp is flashback Friday. Usually the idea of this is an old picture of you and a more recent picture but to me, that’s not helpful. So- I want to put a little spin on this and compare my old thoughts to new thoughts.
In addition to this being a flashback Friday, I also want to include the turn it around project.
In the depths of mental illness, I struggled with the thought that I was never good enough. But, through a lot of hard work, dedication, and thought challenging, I have learned that I am more than good enough. The most important thing is that I feel good enough for myself, and I can finally say that I do. The things I once hated about myself have turned into things I love.
I am not saying that negative thoughts never happen, because they most definitely do. There are days where getting out of bed seems like the hardest task. But eventually, (maybe after a couple hours, a couple days, or heck, even a couple months) I realize that my worth goes beyond the shitty thoughts that flood my head.
I know that it can be so hard and sometimes such a battle in your head, but keep fighting my loves. It’s never too late to turn it around.
#turnitaroundproject #washedaway #rolemodelsunite #booklovers
This year I am celebrating six years of sobriety from alcohol and drugs, addictions that took seed at thirteen years old. Actually, I had my first drink at three because my late mother thought it would be funny to see my reaction after sipping a Long Island Iced Tea.
It wasn’t funny, though, as my genetic makeup combined with an abusive environment laid the groundwork for unhealthy coping behaviors to manifest. As a teen, I grabbed onto alcohol, prescription pills, cocaine and LSD like candy and water.
Needing More and More
Eventually, I needed more and more to create the “high” feeling to take me away from reality. At some point, “high” wasn’t good enough anymore, and I needed death to quiet my loneliness.
Read the full blog post at Addiction Hope.
Remember back when I read Lady Injury, when I told you that I liked a book…but then warned you not to read it? That’s exactly how I feel about Washed Away. In fact, the books are as similar as they are different, just as the two women are. Both books are about eating disorders and extremely severe mental illness. Both books are horrifically triggering and devastating. But, just as no two people are the same, no two mental illnesses are the same–and thus, no two memoirs could be the same either.
Read the full review at I Lay Reading.
It’s so easy to miss the signs and symptoms of an eating disorder. I know, because I had one for over seventeen years, and I was a master at not only hiding it from my family and friends, but deceiving myself into thinking that I didn’t have one.
Thankfully, with the help of God and my support team, I was able to get into a healthy place in my life and learn that it is possible to recover. And just as easy as it is to miss an eating disorder, it’s easy to miss loving yourself in recovery. I am a hard worker, and I love helping others, in fact, it’s one of the things that has helped me to recover. So in this VLOG for the Eating Recovery Roundup, I’ve decided to focus on #DontMiss loving yourself in recovery. Enjoy, and if you have any self love or self care tips you’d like to share, email me at email@example.com.
With love and gratitude,
I remember the first time I felt self-conscious about my appearance. I was four, and my cousin Thomas proceeded to make fun of the birthmark on my butt cheek, which is shaped like a man’s face. It was then that I felt shame, realizing that my body was something others could use to make fun of.
A few years later, I binged to deal with sexual and physical abuse by my mother and a male figure. Looking back, I realize how much I was bullied within my own family; harmful words were used to describe my maturing body and face.
In turn, I developed body dysmorphic disorder, bulimia, and suicidal tendencies.
Negative Body Talk in the Home
Children are vulnerable, sensitive to their environments. If parents and caretakers are not careful, poor choices in words can have damaging effects on their children’s mental health.
Read the full blog post at Eating Disorder Hope.
I was naturally a shy, introverted child. Add in an abusive environment, a mother with severe mental illness, substance abuse, and an early battle with eating disorders, and my shyness was lit on fire.
Turning inward to the extreme and developing depression, playdates in my room with stencils, colored pencils and drawing pads were my everything. This was my way to connect to life and imaginary people.
Read the full blog post at Eating Disorder Hope.
Child sexual predators often place themselves in areas where they have easy access to children. This is one reason why teachers, babysitters, nannies, mothers, fathers, priests, and summer camp workers make excellent abusers. And while Florida has made great strides to protect children from predators in child-care centers, they are falling behind in one major area: summer camp. (1)
Recently, the Palm Beach Post probed and discovered that camps in Florida have no restrictions, therefore there are no boundaries placed on how the camps operate. (1) Abuse can happen and does happen, and nobody is there to prevent or stop it.
Read the full blog at PsychCentral.
Defying Mental Illness (DMI) recently had the unique and exclusive opportunity to meet Nikki and interview her. Nikki’s story is truly remarkable and will inspire you…
DMI: Wow, Nikki, what an honour to interview you today. You have an interesting story that you would like to share with DMI. You were a former model that was climbing high in your career at remarkable speed. However, there was a dark side you were struggling with.
You were challenged with several mental disorders. While you were probably the envy of your friends, secretly, they were your envy! Tell us, a little bit about who Nikki first and foremost. Give us an insight into your childhood.
Read the full interview on Defying Mental Illness.
We recently got to ask Nikki DuBose – A former model turned author, speaker, and mental health advocate a few questions.
Here’s what we got to talk about.
1) Do you have any advice for young teens and young adults battling with an eating disorder who want to get better and start their road to recovery but don’t know where to begin or don’t think they’re strong enough to make that commitment of an everyday fight to recover and start the healing process?
Read the full interview on Free and Above.
Nikki DuBose is a mental health advocate, ambassador, public speaker and writer. She is also a former model who has experienced the dark side of the fashion industry. Her harrowing journey includes childhood abuse, addiction, self harm, rape, eating disorders, psychosis and various other mental health issues. It’s undoubtable a frightening read, but an important one.
We follow Nikki from childhood, through her years as a teenager and as an adult. Divided into chapters with focus on different themes, she provides us with an honest account of what was going through her head at the time and how she experienced it. It’s refreshing to read something so raw and sincere.
Read the full review at TheTrueSea.
I’ve spent many an afternoon wandering around the library. To me the library has always been a place of opportunity, and it has helped me find books that ignite new interests and explain unknown worlds to me. I’ve loved collecting books over the years, and looking back at my favourites reminds me if where I was at that point in my life, how I was feeling and what I was doing.
Having depression and anxiety means I often look for answers in the books I read. Recently I reflected on some of the books that helped me make sense of my own mental illness and it’s something that I think you might find helpful, so I’ve listed my top 3 books below.
Read the full article at Fiona Likes to Blog.
A consortium of anti-sexual violence groups led by Bay Area Women Against Rape (BAWAR) has asked the Commonwealth Club of California to cancel the appearance of Whole Foods CEO John Mackey, scheduled for May 1. Mackey is set to appear at the Cubberley Theatre in Palo Alto, in conversation with Dr. Dean Ornish.
Read more on The Digital Journal.