self control

The Hope Diary: Step Seven: Humility and Asking God to Remove our Defects

Posted on by Nikki DuBose

Step Six was all about getting ready for God to remove our defects in order that He may help us to be all that He has created us to be. Step Seven now is simply and humbly coming before God in prayer and asking Him to remove every shortcoming that stands in the way between us and our God-Given Purpose.

Being a humble person is so important because without it it is pretty impossible to recognize our defects and to be people that can ask God to help us. I daily come to God in prayer in the morning and all throughout the day and ask God for His help now because I know that I know that I know that without Him I can do nothing. Within myself I am weak addicted and a total mess but In Christ I am strong confident courageous and an overcomer. I am set free from every attack that satan tries to bring against me because God is with me and for me.

Thank you to The Life Recovery Workbook by Stephen Arterburn and David Stoop for the following questions.

Clearing the Mess
Isaiah 57:12-19

1. Have I developed enough humility from my experiences in addiction to see that I need to let God work in my heart. Is there any doubt that self-reliance has kept God out.

2. Describe the difference between humiliation and humility.

Giving up Control
Jeremiah 18:1-6

1. Have I ever demanded to have circumstances changed for my benefit. When.

2. Have I ever become impatient with God’s timing in the process of changing my heart and character.

3. What keeps me from letting go so that God can shape my life better than I could ever imagine or create myself.

Pride Born of Hurt
Luke 11:5-13

1.Is it hard for me to ask anyone even God for help. What keeps me from sharing.

2. What experiences in my family of origin have brought about this self-sufficiency.

3. Have I held back from asking God for what I need because I am projecting my disappointments onto Him. Do I trust Him.

4. Am I willing to give up self-sufficiency and pride to persistently ask for God’s help in removing my shortcomings.

A Humble Heart
Luke 18:10-14

1. Have I ever compared my faults/problems/sins to blatant sins of others such as robbery/murder/adultery to justify avoiding deeper work on my own character defects. What does this do for me.

2. Have I ever justified myself because I attend church/sing in the choir/do service work. Do I judge others for their lack of participation or involvement.

3. After self-examination in Steps Four through Six have I been struggling with self-hatred and shame.

4. Do I realize that the “secret sins” of pride/judgement/comparison are just as serious as the more blatant ones.

5. Have addiction and adversities humbled me enough to open the door to God’s forgiveness.

Declared Not Guilty
Romans 3:23-28

1. Steps Six and Seven re one path to acceptance of this verse: all of us have fallen short not only of our own ideals but also of God’s glory. Have I been trying to “measure up” and show God that I can “be good” by doing good works. How have I tried to show him that I am okay.

2. Can I now trust in faith that Jesus will not only make up for my weaknesses but will also begin to remove shortcomings as I surrender humbly to his will. If not why.

Into the Open
Philippians 2:5-9

1. Have I disguised my addiction by covering it up with a good image. Have I hidden behind a good reputation.

2. Do I still fear that others will find out about my addiction. Will my pride be hurt if someone knows the extent of it. Am I willing to share it if it will help others.

3. Can I release to God my self-centered fears of being known and of losing my image. If so write a prayer to God expressing your desire to do so.

Eyes of Love
1 John 5:11-15

1. God already sees us as we will be when his work is done. Am I aware of any blocks that keep me from asking him into my heart to do that work. What are they.

2. Is my confidence in God’s willingness to remove my shortcomings renewed. How and why.

God Bless,

Nikki DuBose

How to not spend a lifetime cutting down the weeds

Posted on by Nikki DuBose

Ever notice how weeds grow and they never really seem to go away? Like no matter how much you try to chop them down there are always some there and even with a thick hackett saw plus weed killer plus, plus, plus, they just are still always lingering there?

Food addictions, dangerous diets, and the love and hate affair with our bodies are, in effect, the same way. We can spend our ENTIRE lives unhealthily obsessing over the wrong weeds to get rid of: the weight, the thighs, the fat here and there, the butt, the “I will be happy when I just get rid of” syndrome.

It’s really supposed to be simple. Or is it? Wait it is, I promise. You see, having a torrid, hot, dangerous love affair with food never really is ever about…the food.

I mean, I spent years and years hurting myself and over indulging myself then immediately torturing my mind, body and spirit all for the sake of getting rid of food. Once the food was out of my body, by means of purging and dangerous diets, I still hated and even more, myself. So what is at the center of all of our food problems? The food and the way we treat it, becomes an expression of how much we love ourselves.

Food, in it’s essentiality, is a God-Given, beautiful, healthful, nutritious and delicious substance that for most of us in the world, comes easily and bountifully. However, for an estimated 925 million, or for 13.1 percent of the world’s population, there is not enough food or no food, and there is a crisis of hunger.

So, dang. How much food had I selfishly wasted and used as a drug to mindlessly cover up my underlying mental and emotional problems for 17 years? The facts really are that eating disorders, obsessive diets, hating your thighs, arms, stomach and gossiping about your and other people’s problems all day long are just distractions from the deep issues that need to be addressed. Because if you TRULY Love YOURSELF for who YOU ARE, you will be happy if you are pregnant, a size 0 or 28, single or married, overweight or underweight or at any weight. Your body is God-Given and it is truly a gift from Him to be alive and breathing.

Get your mind off your negative thoughts and the next time you want to think about doing something that you know will be harmful, whether it be mentally, emotionally, physically or spiritually with food, Stop. Think. Instead, think loving, happy thoughts about yourself. Live in the NOW; ask yourself what is really going on in your life that is making you feel bad and turn to the food for comfort/destruction.

When you are in an uncomfortable situation and maybe you really cannot leave or get out of being around people that make you feel stressed or agitated, flip it around and use it as an opportunity to come up higher and be KIND to them. They probably won’t expect it and this is learning to love like Jesus did. God loves everyone, and the more we turn our focus to Him and learn to love all people, places and things in all situations, the more of a Blessing we will be to others and in return, be to ourself. Look for ways to be a Blessing to the world around you; it will take the selfish motives off yourself.

God Bless,
Nikki DuBose

“Six Tips on How to Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You” by Karla Downing

Posted on by Nikki DuBose

Christian Relationship Help: Six Tips on How to Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You by Karla Downing

“Forgiveness is a commandment for Christians (Matthew 6:14-15); yet, there is a lot of misunderstanding on how to forgive. This Christian relationship help gives you six tips on how to forgive someone who has hurt you:

1. Understand that it is a process.The first step is to commit to that process. Some people erroneously suggest that someone should forgive right away when they find out about a major offense. This isn’t possible. Before you can forgive, you have to know what you are forgiving. It takes time to figure out what has happened and how it has affected your life.

2. Reflect on the facts of the situation, your reactions, and how it is affecting you. You have to count the cost in order to forgive by first recognizing how you have been affected by the offense. This way you know what you are forgiving.

3. Understand what the offender did and why it was done.This is putting yourself into the shoes of the other person. It gives you a perspective that can help you to be empathetic. Hurt people hurt people. This doesn’t mean you excuse the wrong or not hold the person appropriately accountable; it only means that you try to understand the problems the other person had that would have caused him/her to do what was done.

4. Choose to let go of the right to get revenge.You turn the person over to God and allow him to judge in his way and time (Romans 12:19). This can include allowing the person to face the legal, relational, financial and situational consequences of his/her actions; however, you need to let go of your bitterness and resentment and not take pleasure in the person’s pain and demise.

5. Treat the person with dignity and respect.You want to love your enemies and offer them a cup of cold water, as Jesus suggested (Romans 12:20); yet, you can still set boundaries to protect yourself. This requires that you take a step of faith and treat the person well. When you do it, it will help you to maintain the forgiveness and allow God to work in the person’s life.

6. Choose to no longer be defined by the offense.This is where you integrate the offense into your life as another thing that has happened that you have walked through that God has used to shape and mold you. Your identity is not: “The spouse who was abandoned,” The parent who lost his child,” or “The unloved child.” You have a different perspective that involves acceptance, forgiveness, and faith and a self-image that includes how you have been refined through your life experiences and how God is using it for good.

This Christian relationship help offers you these six tips on how to forgive someone who has hurt you. These tips will enable you to move on from the offense in a way that sets you free and pleases God.”

God Bless,
Nikki

Hey Girls and Boys!! Wanna Be a True *SuperModel*? Here’s the Real Deal Inside!!

Posted on by Nikki DuBose

Beauty Blogging and Photo Booth Funning…

thenikkidubose.com Nikki DuBose Beauty Blog Fun July 2012 4

Little Girls and Boys Everywhere Rejoice!! We are all Model Citizens of the World!! You don’ t have to be a “supermodel” of the fashion industry’s standards to be a star in your own right! You have to first realize that within YOU lies the secret to being the wonderful and amazing humble Diva that you already are! God made you already a true beauty unlike any other so when you wake up every day you can say, “I am a SUPERMODEL!”

What are the characteristics of a true SuperModel meaning YOU, an everyday SuperModel? Well first things first, a true model is a role model which means you set a good example for others around you from the inside out. After all, when you are acting beautifully you are inspiring others and lifting them up instead of acting proud and snobby. So, let’s look at a few of the key ingredients to shake up the mixing pot of your inner SuperModel, shall we? OK!!

*The number one most important ingredient you need every day is God. Without God, you have nothing, and everything you do, is for Him! After all, He made you truly beautiful, inside and out, and He wants nothing more than for you to spread your kindness, talents and gifts to the world for all to see. It is extremely important in your life to remember to always give God the honor, glory and praise for all that you do!! Think about this, how are you even breathing this very moment…it is all God! So the first sign of a true “SuperModel You” is giving God back all of the credit He deserves. He loves you! He has an amazing and hopeful plan for your life!! I know that I personally would not be anywhere at all in any area of my life without God, and I owe everything for the rest of my life to Him. I love you Jesus!! Thank you God, for saving me!

*The second key factor in determining a SuperModel is humility. My oh my, how long I have gone around the humility train and failed, and will always have to take a ride again and again. We are all human and fail! What matters is that we have a heart that desires to reach up higher and become better because God sees the hearts of people. No judgements on this panel folks!! We will never be perfect in this lifetime and that is what is so wonderful about living in the presence of God. What is humility to you? The Bible describes humility in Philippians 2:3-11, saying:

“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.”

Come on now, if Jesus can be humble and be a servant, then surely we all can be humble and put others before ourselves, even and especially when we don’t feel like it. That’s the toughie!! When we don’t feel like it! Yet, this is what will make you a Super Duper Role Model so beautiful, everyone will want to be shiny like you, and won’t the world be a much better place to live??

*Third, I am just gonna be so bold as to say that your persistence in life is extremely important as to determining your level of SuperModel. Unfortunately too many people give up on things way too early and this is not how we are bred to live. We are made as Conquerors in the eyes of God!! Victors! Romans 8:37-39 says:

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Every time you go through rough and tough trials in life, see it not as something to stop you, but as things to prepare you for the greater victories down the road. All it takes is a slight refocusing of your mentality. Think of your favorite Disney hero. Did they quit when the going got tough? NO!! Why in the world would you, thank you? Alright now, let’s proceed, my little warriors and warriorettes.

*The fourth determining role in a SuperModel is someone who truly Loves themselves. You have got to learn to deeply love yourself!! Man, I spent the majority of my life trying to please everybody in the world, to the point that I never gave myself first priority behind God. I mean, A LA DUH! What the heck? No wonder I had so many screwed up problems that later in life I realized I kept bringing them on myself! I did not love myself!! I was so overworked and trying to people please everyone on the face of the planet and way out in Mars, Venus and Pluto too, that I had realized that when I sat down one night to watch a movie by myself at home, I did not even know what that felt like. HOW SAD! Love yourself! Take time to get to know yourself and when you really and honestly can say that you are whole within yourself and are well balanced, then you are able to go out into the world and help others. Until then, you can help all you want but will only be hurting yourself because you will be taking away precious time and energy from depleting life source. In 1 Peter 5:8, The Bible says:

“Be sober, (be well balanced) be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion (in fierce hunger), walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.”

Whoa!! No thanks, buddy. You gotta keep your SuperModel Strength!! Be balanced, love yourself first after God, then you will have more time for other people.

*Finally, but not indefinitely, Confidence is so important for a “SuperModel You.” And you are listening to someone who, as I wrote one-time in one of my other articles, was one of the shyest and most un-confident teens you could EVER imagine. In fact, in my sophomore year of high school because I was SO quiet all of the time, my economics teacher announced in front of the entire class, “I don’t know what I would do if I had a room full of Nikkis.” Well now. Lord help me. Confidence is something that comes with time and patience. It is not something that you can buy on a shelf, but you CAN know where your confidence comes from, and you CAN “fake it until you can make it” kind of thing. First, your confidence, comes from God. In the Psalms, David knew where his confidence came from, as we see in Psalm 71:5:

“For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth.”

Wow! Thank you God, for your never ending confidence!! You see, With Him, your confidence jar will NEVER EVER run out! Second, even when you do not feel confident, you can FAKE being confident, and eventually your inner confidence will shine through. I am the queen of this, let me tell you honey! Especially being in the modeling and entertainment industry, it is all about “faking it ‘till you can make it! If I went every day by the way I felt I might NEVER get out of bed and into that gym, writing chair, endless casting room, runway stage, etc., And that’s just the business world I am speaking of. The real times I have needed confidence that only comes from God is in my every day trials and tribulations. And my goodness, seems like since the day I came out of my momma I have been sliding down the one way track of trials. But you know what? I know who I am and where I come from, because I have had to learn to equip myself with this deep unshakable confidence that only comes from God. Thank you Jesus!

Well my beautiful SuperModels of the World, God Bless you and see you soon!!

God Bless,
Nikki DuBose