Five years ago: For the love of Sandy
Five years ago, my mother Sandy passed away in a car accident. Although the initial investigation from the Charleston County Sheriff’s Office stated that the cause of her accident was due to “some sort of a tire issue, causing the vehicle to veer off the road,” what my family and I know many years and one book later, is that her death was due to alcoholism, and potentially being attacked while driving.
Read the full post on PsychCentral
One day I know
When the twighlight last glows
She will return to me.
Ever so sweetly
Ever so softly,
My beautiful mother.
-2017 Nikki DuBose
On that day
In September
We threw Momma in the water
She was scattered
I knew I was a thief.
The waves went
In and out
In and out
Swallowed her up
Entirely,
Without a thought
As often waves do.
She was once there
She was no more.
I died.
2017 Nikki DuBose
2017 Nikki DuBose
Nikki Dubose, author, speaker and mental health advocate states: “I watched a little of “To The Bone.” As a former entertainer, I know that losing weight for your craft is seen as an art, but I also know that the environment can push you to engage in maladaptive behaviors.
I nearly lost my life trying to fit into what the entertainment and modeling industry wanted, and I don’t think it’s wise for an actress with a prior history of an eating disorder to lose that much weight, neither is it wise for the studios to cast someone who had an ED. It can be very triggering to the brain, emotions, and body. “
Read the full article on Eating Disorder Hope.
Shifting the Focus From Weight to Feelings
Australian-based photographer Jennifer Blau decided to take the focus off of appearance with eating disorder sufferers. She purposefully shot those who were at a societally acceptable “normal weight [1].”
Because eating disorders affect people at all shapes and sizes, Blau had a desire to tilt more on the message that it’s what’s on the inside that matters, as well as our feelings; society needs to be aware, educated, and sensitive to this message. Her exhibition is appropriately entitled “Just Ask Me How I Feel,” on display at Manly-Library [1].
Read the full blog at Eating Disorder Hope.
****Old video and took a LONG time for me to upload – sorry guys!! I was away from YouTube for a while because of the #ChildVictimsAct.
This is the second video in my #IdentityCrisis series. Most of us have an identity crisis at some point. It’s easy to, when we put our faith in our careers, relationships, success, money, on and on. Western society teaches us to believe that our worth and value is in what we can achieve, which is false. Our worth and value is in the fact that we are God’s children.
One of the main themes in my memoir, Washed Away: From Darkness to Light, is identity. I developed all sorts of addictions and problems in my modeling career as a result of a childhood filled with trauma and mental illness because I had no sense of worth or identity.
Learn how I was able to successfully deal with my mental illness, walked away from #addictions and a career that was giving me a false #identity in my memoir, #washedaway on Amazon
Follow me:
Twitter @TheNikkiDuBose
Facebook: TheNikkiDuBose
Instagram: thenikkidubose
Linkedin
Earlier this year, I was very kindly gifted a copy of ‘Washed Away: From Darkness To Light’, a memoir written by former model and turned author and advocate, Nikki DuBose. Within the book, Nikki documents some of her most personal life events, from childhood sexual abuse to revealing how the model industry fuelled her all-encompassing battle with various eating disorders.
I’ll admit, I was a little hesitant to read and review it at first as I didn’t think it would be my cup of tea. I don’t have much interest in fashion or modelling and so was quick to dismiss the book in it’s entirety. The second I heard the words ‘mental health’ and ‘modelling’ in the same sentence, I couldn’t help but fear that this book might glamorise mental illness and in particular, eating disorders.
However, you know what they say: ‘never judge a book by it’s cover’ and in this circumstance, that saying proved truer than ever.
Read the full review at Above Anxiety.
Self-Image
Inner beauty: you can’t sell it, but it’s your most important feature. Every month on magazine covers, we buy into the promise of “ten steps to…” a better body, bank account, romance, and more, but we hardly focus on the one thing that really matters, which is our souls.
Real happiness is found on the inside. However, we rush off to the stores in an effort to buy our way to true bliss, and this is what keeps us perpetually trapped in the advertising illusion. Things are not bad, neither is wanting to be beautiful, but our minds, souls, and emotions are precious, and they make up the foundation to which all other forms of joy grow. If our minds are out of balance, then how can we expect to ever be truly happy? If we fail to nourish our souls first, then we will never see ourselves as truly beautiful, and we may constantly look to others to validate us.
Read the full post on Book Spin.
“I posted my last Bookshelf Update post alllll the way back in November of last year, but with the mountains of uni work I’ve been ploughing through as part of my Masters degree, I haven’t had much time for recreational reading! However, I’ve collated all of the books I’ve read since my last update post here to share a huge collective review with you all today! But don’t worry, all the reviews are spoiler free, so if you want to pick up any of the books that I’ve read, the plot twists won’t be ruined for you!
Washed Away: From Darkness to Light by Nikki DuBose*
Washed Away is a candid and brutal memior, written by model Nikki DuBose, tracking her life from a shy child to through to a successful modelling career. Nikki charts her experiences with sexual violence, eating disorders, addiction, and mental health, being open and honest throughout, even when describing the most harrowing events. I have the upmost respect for Nikki for writing this, she proves that even if you’re going through the very darkest days of your life, you will come out the other side, and find strength in recovery. This book is extremely poignant and will stay with you for a long time: a must-read.”
Read the full review at Abbey Louisa Rose.
“Trauma survivors come from all walks of life, all over the world, and while each of us is a unique individual in our own right, our survivor stories are often very similar. It’s that similarity that helps us all connect, relate, and unite in a common goal of healing and awareness.
Those similarities were evident once again when I recently had the opportunity to speak with Abuse Survivor, Author, Advocate, and Ambassador, Nikki DuBose. It was such a privilege to spend some time talking with Nikki about not only her past; the abuse and trauma that she endured, but also about her advocacy work now and her amazing story of survival.”
Read the full interview with Matt and Nikki on The Good Men Project.
Listen as Nikki DuBose shares with Host Brett Francis why she made the decision to leave her modeling career behind in 2012 (hint: it has a lot to do with self-love)!
Educator Action Plan
Smithtown, NY
Senator Flanagan represents the town of Smithtown, NY. Few educators, parents, and coaches are aware of Senator 
Flanagan’s chronic attempts to block the Child Victims Act, which protects children from sexual abuse and pro
vides a one-year look back window for survivors to receive justice. Why would Senator Flanagan be portraying the image in his town as a loving family man, when in reality, he is doing the bidding of rich pedophiles such as the cover ups in the Catholic Church who own a majority of real estate in New York?
We must contact these schools and educators in Smithtown and let them know that their Senator has been blocking protection to sexually abused children and justice to survivors. Ask them to call, write, and tweet at Senator Flanagan’s office and let him know that this is unacceptable. Only a YES vote immediately for the Child Victims Act is ok for the citizens of Smithtown. Do they really want to vote for a Senator who doesn’t protect kids? The average time it takes for kids to report sexual abuse is 21 years – current law only allows till age 23.
SCHOOLS
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Dogwood-Elementary-School/1541820506035560
Address: 50 Dogwood Dr, Smithtown, NY 11787
Phone: (631) 382-4250
District: Smithtown Central School District
Facebook Pages: https://www.facebook.com/AccompsettMSPTA/
https://www.facebook.com/Accompsett-Middle-School-Memes-139471362873652/
https://www.facebook.com/swvk1/
Address: 1 Lincoln St, Smithtown, NY 11787
Phone: (631) 382-4155
District: Smithtown Central School District
Main Office: (631) 382-2300
Assistant Principal – Mr. Hellmuth: (631) 382-2305
Health Office: (631) 382-2320
Counseling Center: (631) 382-2310
Twitter: .@SCSD_HSE
Facebook (for High School West): https://www.facebook.com/pages/Smithtown-High-School-West/1504380646509917
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Smithtown-High-School-East-PTSA-290580784299099/
https://www.facebook.com/SEbullsVF2016/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/118434945312897/
https://www.facebook.com/groups/728019330639112/
Address: 10 School Street, Saint James, NY 11780
Main Office: (631) 382-2705
Health Office: (631) 382-2710
Attendance Office: (631) 382-2716
Counseling Center: (631) 382-2750
Principal – Dr. Simmons (631) 382-2705
Assistant Principal – Mr. Aleci: (631) 382-2740
Assistant Principal – Mr. Pettis: (631) 382-2760
Address: 15 Ridgeley Rd, Smithtown, NY 11787
Phone: (631) 382-4200
District: Smithtown Central School District
Health Office: (631) 382-4210
Principal – Ms. Westrack: (631) 382-4205
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Branch-Brook-Elementary-School/750451171765775
Board of Education
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Smithtown-School-District-Central-Office/500860543297331
Main Email: boe@smithtown.k12.ny.us
District Clerk: (631) 382-2012
on Twitter .@jmcenroy55
On Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/joanne-mcenroy-20152012/
Gladys M. Waldron, Trustee Phone: 631.265.1575
Email: jthode13@gmail.com Phone: 631.220.5543
Phone: (631) 724-2684
58 Theodore St. Smithtown, NY 11787
Phone: (631) 262-8914
3 Kim Ave. Smithtown, NY 11787
EDUCATORS
Work Phone: (631) 382-2305
Work: (631) 382-2720
Smithtown Central School District
Email: jbradshaw@smithtown.k12.ny.us
Superintendent of schools
Smithtown Central School District
Ms. Mona Tobin
Smithtown Central School District
Mr. Neil Katz
Twitter: .@PersonnelSCSD
Smithtown Central School District
Mr. Andrew Tobin
Smithtown Central School District
Thank you for your dedication in protecting children from sexual abuse. In
the state of New York, 150 children are sexually abused every day, and outd
ated laws are doing nothing to help them. YOU can change that, but time is running out. The Assembly nearly unanimously voted in favor of the Child Victims Act, AND Governor Cuomo approved, but now we are urging the Senate to bring the Child Victim’s Act to the Floor for a YES Vote.
You can get the Child Victims Act passed now!
Again, thank you for joining us in the fight for justice.
Sincerely,
Nikki DuBose and Gary Greenberg
Messaging for Advocates Outside of New York
On Twitter
Calling Script
“Hi, my name is______________. I’m calling to urge Senator _________ to pass the Child
Victims Act because __________________________. I don’t live in New York, but passing
this bill is that important because children everywhere deserve to be protected. Not only is the Child Victims Act critical
to protecting kids, but it saves the state an enormous amount of money in costs related to abuse. (Optional:
You can reach me at_________________). Thank you for your time and I look forward to
seeing the Child Victims Act being signed into law this year.”
+++Note: You can modify the script to make it more personal to you. We want to be careful not
to attack any lawmakers, but try to persuade them with the message of protecting kids+++
By Email
Dear Senator (Insert Last Name Here),
A few sentences explaining why protecting children is so important to you. This can also be a few sentences relating to your personal story.
The Child Victims Act is here to protect children. Children, who right now, are being sexually abused. Every year, the CDC reports that 43,000 children in the state of New York are sexually abused. These children grow up to become what we call survivors, which cost the state hundreds of thousands in costs due to mental health, emotional, educational and physical damage. Shouldn’t we take steps to not only protect children, but save New York a tremendous amount of money in preventative care?
Thank you for your time. I urge you to vote YES on the Child Victims Act. Kids are depending on your support!
Sincerely,
Your Name
Organization (if applicable)
By Mail
Please refer to my advocacy page for letters of support.
++++Note: You need to change S809/Omnibus Child Victims Act to Child Victims Act.
++++++Again, Senate mailing addresses can be found here.
Find your Senator here.
Messaging for New York Advocates
On Twitter
Calling Script
“Hi, my name is______________ and I’m Senator ___________________ constituent.
I’m calling to urge Senator _________ to pass the Child Victims Act because __________________________. The Assembly approves of this measure, and we need to come to a compromise on this issue now because 150 children are sexually abused every day in New York. Passing the Child Victims Act is so important because children everywhere deserve to be protected. (Optional: You can reach me at_________________). Thank you for your time and I look forward to seeing the Child Victims Act being signed into law this year.”
+++Note: You can modify the script to make it more personal to you. We want to be careful not to attack any lawmakers, but try to persuade them with the message of protecting kids+++
By Email
Dear Senator (Insert Last Name Here),
A few sentences explaining why protecting children is so important to you. This can also be a few sentences relating to your personal story.
The Assembly approves of this measure, and now children need your support! Let’s come to a compromise on this issue. The Child Victims Act is here to protect children. Children, who right now, are being sexually abused. Every year, the CDC reports that 43,000 children in the state of New York are sexually abused. These children grow up to become what we call survivors, which cost the state hundreds of thousands in costs due to mental health, emotional, educational and physical damage. Shouldn’t we take steps to not only protect children, but save New York a tremendous amount of money in preventative care?
Thank you for your time. I urge you to vote YES on the Child Victims Act and be a hero for kids everywhere.
Sincerely,
Your Name
Organization (if applicable)
By Mail
Please refer to my advocacy page for letters of support.
Note: Please change S809 to Child Victims Act.
Some weekend inspiration for you ⭐️
#Repost @enjoythej0urney (@get_repost)
・・・
Do you attach meaning to certain objects and places? My whole life, I’ve
shoved away and hidden the things that bring up bad memories for me. I never throw them away (just in case, as my OCD says) but I try to keep things out of plain view that bring me pain. ⤵️
How do you do this with something as large as an apartment? How do you cover up every wall that reminds you of the people who hurt to remember? How do you stay recovered in a space where it feels like the ghost of your sick self is lingering?⤵️
I moved my room around. 3 times. I’ve changed the furniture in my living room. I’ve painted over my bedroom walls. I reorganized my kitchen. And in the midst of that, I started to understand that we can’t cover up every physical thing that reminds us of pain. When it’s just a stuffed animal in the closet, or a bed switched to a different side of the room, it’s one thing. When it’s desperately trying to find a way to remove every single thing that brings back the hurt, it’s unrealistic and unattainable. Once you can accept that, you can search for another solution.⤵️
My solution? Create new memories. It’ll feel wrong for awhile. You won’t want to laugh in the room that reminds you of betrayal & judgment, but if you try, you will. You’ll feel like staying in a room that does not make you feel anything at all, but you’ll push yourself to be uncomfortable instead. Slowly, you’ll accept the pain. You’ll notice your feelings and you’ll let them go. And then you’ll realize that it’s okay to release what once hurt so badly, because it does not negate the fact that it happened. You came, you saw, you felt. Now, you move on.
Nature is God’s artwork. Sometimes when I’m having a stressful day, I take a walk outside, breathe in the fresh air, and take photos of the beautiful nature that I’m so blessed to be surrounded by.
Growing up in Charleston, South Carolina, I was exposed to all kinds of plants and wildlife, from alligators to pelicans, Crepe myrtles to the hanging Spanish moss trees.
On the west coast, the nature is quite different, but absolutely lovely. Did you know that you can find art anywhere? Those exposed branches on the side of the road, the dying flower, and dried leaves are all beautiful, it just takes a bit
of mindfulness to appreciate their beauty.
It’s just like us, sometimes when we don’t feel at our best, we can’t see what’s beautiful about ourselves. But God sees us perfectly and complete. We are never washed up or too dull for Him. We are all part of a larger masterpiece, a divine art that spans for all eternity.
#Repost @fatisnotanadjective (@get_repost)
・・・
On May 28, 2013, my life turned upside down in a way I could never imagine. What started as a simple, online friendship turned into an in-person meet up that didn’t go as planned. It turned into a day that I would never forget. It was the day that I was sexually assaulted. Being 14 years old, I knew something wasn’t right but I was too scared to say
something.
On May 28, 2014, I attempted to take my own life because to me, it seemed like there was no other way out. My mind was flooded with the “it was your fault” thoughts and the nightmares would not go away. I was unable to escape the constant flashbacks and the feelings of disgust. I wanted out.
On May 28, 2015, I would wake up everyday, still hoping that I could eventually shower away my disgust. I thought that washing away the external dirt would erase the dirtiness I felt, but it wouldn’t. So time and time again, I would keep trying.
On May 28, 2016, I came to the realization that I couldn’t do this alone. I told someone.. It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done but it was also the bravest thing. I wanted my life back and some day, I wanted my body to feel like my own.
Today, on May 28, 2017, I am refusing to give him the power any longer. This monster of a human is not worth my endless tears, horrible night terrors, continuous dissociation, and vivid flashbacks. I am worth more than what happened to me. My body belongs to me and it’s time for me to start treating it that way.
#fatisnotanadjective
#Repost @leenahlovesherself (@get_repost)
・・・
I love how this photo is mostly black & white with a splash of color. When you’re struggling with mental
illness (or even just life in general) everything can seem like a blur and like every thing is very one-note – like there isn’t any color or light.
However, even in the worst times, there are some pops of color. It can be SO challenging to see them, but they are there.
One way that we can find these moments is by choosing to practice mindfulness. When we anchor ourselves to the present moment instead of being in the past or future, we are able to see the little pops of color that life has to offer, even when times are tough ✨
(Photo by @cmrfx, wearing an @aerie bralette and a @capezio tutu)
#MyFlawsAreFierce
#BopoBallerina
#MentalHealthMonth
When you’re a crook, there are no limits to the depths you will go to cover up your filth. Just ask most of the New York politicians, including former Senator Craig Johnson, who is a key ally and fundraising partner for the Independent Democratic Conference, led by Senator Jeff Klein.
Read the full article on NY Daily News.
Listen to the inspiring podcast!
Trauma survivors come from all walks of life, all over the world, and while each of us are unique individuals in our own right, our survivor stories is often very similar. It’s that similarity that helps us all connect, relate, and unite in a common goal of healing and awareness.
Those similarities were evident once again, when I recently had the opportunity to speak with Abuse Survivor, Author, Advocate, and Ambassador, Nikki DuBose. It was such a privilege to spend some time talking with Nikki about not only her past; the abuse and trauma that she endured, but also about her advocacy work now and her amazing story of survival.
As a former model, Nikki has spent time in the public spotlight, living and working all over the world, but at the same time, also hiding a secret of a traumatic past that she could not escape.
After reading Nikki’s memoir I was lost for words. What a remarkable woman, I thought, and oh so courageous! To openly speak out about darker times in your past is draining, difficult and so daunting (I know because I’ve also opened up about my mental health issues through the form of poetry in book form). Putting it out there, for the world to see, is absolutely terrifying. And Nikki shares so much with us. You can’t fault a word in Nikki’s memoir: It is her whole life in your hands. You can feel it. You can feel her pain, her thought process, and more importantly – her desire to be loved. Nikki desperately wanted to be loved throughout her whole life and it breaks your heart reading about her life knowing that there is nothing you can do. I wanted to reach out to this young girl and tell her she is deeply loved – if only someone had.
Read the full review at Charlene McElhinney.
Dear Friends,
On June 7th, 2017, Gary Greenberg of Fighting for Children PAC (Protect NY Kids), Peaceful Hearts Foundation and Nikki DuBose along with Lauren’s Kids will host a “Walk in My Shoes” display at the Albany Capitol with accompanying stories from survivor’s/victims impact statements displayed to raise awareness during Children’s Awareness Month. Although this month typically brings awareness to the violence against kids, we are standing up and calling forth to the sexual violence and sexual abuse that affects more than 43,000 children annually in the state of New York and more than 43,000,000 around the nation. You can help in two ways.
You can contact nikki@nikkidubose.com and ggreenberg21@aol.com for more info.
Please send shoes to:
Kathie Alvaro
2568 Western Ave.
Apt 5-7
Altamont, N.Y. 12009
THANK YOU for joining us in the pledge to end child sexual abuse!!
Sincerely,
Peaceful Hearts Foundation, Nikki DuBose, Gary Greenberg and Lauren’s Kids
Remember back when I read Lady Injury, when I told you that I liked a book…but then warned you not to read it? That’s exactly how I feel about Washed Away. In fact, the books are as similar as they are different, just as the two women are. Both books are about eating disorders and extremely severe mental illness. Both books are horrifically triggering and devastating. But, just as no two people are the same, no two mental illnesses are the same–and thus, no two memoirs could be the same either.
Read the full review at I Lay Reading.
It’s so easy to miss the signs and symptoms of an eating disorder. I know, because I had one for over seventeen years, and I was a master at not only hiding it from my family and friends, but deceiving myself into thinking that I didn’t have one.
Thankfully, with the help of God and my support team, I was able to get into a healthy place in my life and learn that it is possible to recover. And just as easy as it is to miss an eating disorder, it’s easy to miss loving yourself in recovery. I am a hard worker, and I love helping others, in fact, it’s one of the things that has helped me to recover. So in this VLOG for the Eating Recovery Roundup, I’ve decided to focus on #DontMiss loving yourself in recovery. Enjoy, and if you have any self love or self care tips you’d like to share, email me at nikkidubosecoaching@gmail.com.
With love and gratitude,
Nikki DuBose
Nikki DuBose, an abuse victim and former model, said she is “quite annoyed” that Cuomo doesn’t seem to be pushing harder for passage of a bill.
“The governor is failing his constituents — those who are abused, abandoned and who cannot advocate for themselves,” DuBose said in an email.
Read the full article on The New York Daily News.
I remember the first time I felt self-conscious about my appearance. I was four, and my cousin Thomas proceeded to make fun of the birthmark on my butt cheek, which is shaped like a man’s face. It was then that I felt shame, realizing that my body was something others could use to make fun of.
A few years later, I binged to deal with sexual and physical abuse by my mother and a male figure. Looking back, I realize how much I was bullied within my own family; harmful words were used to describe my maturing body and face.
In turn, I developed body dysmorphic disorder, bulimia, and suicidal tendencies.
Negative Body Talk in the Home
Children are vulnerable, sensitive to their environments. If parents and caretakers are not careful, poor choices in words can have damaging effects on their children’s mental health.
Read the full blog post at Eating Disorder Hope.
Child sexual predators often place themselves in areas where they have easy access to children. This is one reason why teachers, babysitters, nannies, mothers, fathers, priests, and summer camp workers make excellent abusers. And while Florida has made great strides to protect children from predators in child-care centers, they are falling behind in one major area: summer camp. (1)
Recently, the Palm Beach Post probed and discovered that camps in Florida have no restrictions, therefore there are no boundaries placed on how the camps operate. (1) Abuse can happen and does happen, and nobody is there to prevent or stop it.
Read the full blog at PsychCentral.
Defying Mental Illness (DMI) recently had the unique and exclusive opportunity to meet Nikki and interview her. Nikki’s story is truly remarkable and will inspire you…
DMI: Wow, Nikki, what an honour to interview you today. You have an interesting story that you would like to share with DMI. You were a former model that was climbing high in your career at remarkable speed. However, there was a dark side you were struggling with.
You were challenged with several mental disorders. While you were probably the envy of your friends, secretly, they were your envy! Tell us, a little bit about who Nikki first and foremost. Give us an insight into your childhood.
Read the full interview on Defying Mental Illness.
We recently got to ask Nikki DuBose – A former model turned author, speaker, and mental health advocate a few questions.
Here’s what we got to talk about.
1) Do you have any advice for young teens and young adults battling with an eating disorder who want to get better and start their road to recovery but don’t know where to begin or don’t think they’re strong enough to make that commitment of an everyday fight to recover and start the healing process?
Read the full interview on Free and Above.
I’ve spent many an afternoon wandering around the library. To me the library has always been a place of opportunity, and it has helped me find books that ignite new interests and explain unknown worlds to me. I’ve loved collecting books over the years, and looking back at my favourites reminds me if where I was at that point in my life, how I was feeling and what I was doing.
Having depression and anxiety means I often look for answers in the books I read. Recently I reflected on some of the books that helped me make sense of my own mental illness and it’s something that I think you might find helpful, so I’ve listed my top 3 books below.
Read the full article at Fiona Likes to Blog.
A consortium of anti-sexual violence groups led by Bay Area Women Against Rape (BAWAR) has asked the Commonwealth Club of California to cancel the appearance of Whole Foods CEO John Mackey, scheduled for May 1. Mackey is set to appear at the Cubberley Theatre in Palo Alto, in conversation with Dr. Dean Ornish.
Read more on The Digital Journal.
Author Nikki DuBose of Washed Away: From Darkness to Light was recently interviewed on addiction and recovery. Here she offers a recap on everything from when her addiction began to how to help a loved one who may be suffering.
1. Can you pinpoint when your problems with addiction began?
I was wired for addiction – my mother had bipolar and dissociative identity disorder and her mother (she was adopted) died from cirrhosis of the liver as a result of alcoholism.
Read the full article on Addiction Hope.
“. . . Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me . . .”
I let the words sink in, and then I looked out my bedroom window that overlooked the water; for once, I took in the scenery not in fear, but in admiration of the sun as it descended below the horizon. The setting of the sun was a reminder of the magnificence of creation.
“If God made the sun, surely he made me. He must love me, too. I’m going to believe that no matter what, God is with me. When I’m afraid, God is right by my side. I might not see Him physically, but I can see him with my soul; simply because I believe that God is with me, He is,” I thought.
—Washed Away: From Darkness to Light
Today as I hiked with my blind and deaf Australian Shepherd and friends up and down rocky trails and around the azure waves of the Pacific, I was amazed at the beauty of God’s creation and the magnitude of his power.
Read the full article at Eating Disorder Hope.
I had no idea what to expect going into this book. I never thought I’d finish the thing in just a few days and feel so utterly connected to someone I’d never met. Knowing Nikki’s story has reminded me why I started to write about mental illness online, even though it often leaves me feeling vulnerable to expose myself to the world.
Read the full review at Fiona Likes to Blog.
I had to get rid of the victim mentality to move forward in my healing journey. I couldn’t become a victor until I stopped believing that I was a victim.
Victim and victor sound similar, but the only thing that separates them are the last two letters; a small difference, with an enormous impact. Sometimes in life two letters is all it takes – or that extra dedication to recovery – to make a substantial change.
Read the full article at Addiction Hope.
Stories of girls being sexually abused by male relatives are sadly all too common. But on some occasions the predator in the family can even turn out to be that most trusted confidant of all – the mother.
That was the case for Nikki DuBose who carries mental scars from the trauma of her own late mother sexually abusing her for several years. Now an activist and author, the 31-year-old ex-model is bravely sharing her story with ENTITY.
Read the full article at Entitymag.
Washed Away: From Darkness to Light reflects a story of recovery and determination. Dubose allows us not only into her world, but similarly, into her thoughts, feelings, and emotions. She opens up about important conversations surrounding mental illness and the modeling industry that teaches a standard of “beauty” that is not always healthy and realistic. The memoir provides honest reflection as we see the stages of childhood, adolescence, adulthood and what Dubose takes away from each stage of her own life.
Read the full review at Empowered Eating.
You had a very rough start in life. Tell us about your childhood.
I grew up in a violent, dysfunctional family, however, hardly anyone knew that because I went to a private Christian school and we lived in a nice house. My parents divorced when I was two and my mom remarried to a much older man who kind of swept her off her feet.
Starting at four, I was subjected to physical abuse and then at 8, sexual abuse by a male figure. I developed binge eating disorder as a way to cope with the trauma, and later Body Dysmorphic Disoder and bulimia, which lasted for over fifteen years. My mom sexually abused me from the ages of 9 to 13 until the police removed me from my house. I suppressed those memories until my late twenties.
Read the full interview at Plaid for Women.
Former model turned author and activist Nikki DuBose, was in San Francisco to challenge Whole Foods Co-CEO John Mackey to stand up for child sexual abuse survivors and speak about her role in the Omnibus Child Victims Act in the state of New York.
Pick up Nikki’s book Washed Away: From Darkness to Light on Amazon.
“What will matter 100 years from now: Your organic fruit, or the fact that you chose not to stand up for children who have been sexually abused?” That was the question I posed to Whole Foods Market executives on Tuesday, February 28th, at the Omni Hotel in downtown San Francisco. Myself along with other key business leaders, anti-animal abuse organizations and child sexual abuse advocates, came together that day to encourage Co-CEO John Mackey to disavow his relationship from alleged child sexual abuser Marc Gaffni.
Read the full post on PsychCentral.
Listen to the podcast with Nikki and Bill Murray here.
Tonight’s special guest is Nikki DuBose from Los Angeles, a returning NAASCA family member who was abused as a child and later as a young professional model. Nikki works closely with Matt Sandusky at the ‘Peaceful Hearts Foundation,’ and will tell us about her new book, ‘Washed Away: From Darkness to Light.’ In her memoir, Nikki details how being sexually abused as a child led to a seventeen-year battle with serious mental health issues such as eating disorders, depression, self-harm, substance abuse and sexual addictions. She experienced a great deal of success, yet that prosperity came with a high price that often mirrored the sexual abuse from her youth. Among other things, Nikki advocates on her web site for better regulation of the modeling industry. Coming to a place of full healing has not been easy for Nikki, but she says, “I wholeheartedly believe that full recovery is possible. It starts with speaking out and reducing the shame and stigma that is so often attached to mental health issues.” She goes on, “Being an advocate is what allows me to wake up every day and feel truly alive. All of that pain that I lived with for so many years is now channeled into making a difference in society. Whatever issues you’re passionate about, use your voice and the resources you have; love yourself first and from there you can help to change the world.” We’re delighted to have Nikki as a card-carrying member of the NAASCA family!
