I never “Chose” my Choices

I have been receiving so many comments from people in Europe (as well as the United States) regarding why I chose to sleep with the director of my modeling agency.
It is so clear to me why I put that part of my life in my memoirs: because I was sexually abused as a little girl by my mother and a male family member, which I also describe in my book.
I felt it was very important for people to understand why we make certain choices. For me, I felt pressured to follow a career where my face would be in the public because I had such low self esteem due to the remnants of sexual abuse in my childhood.

Sexual abuse is so damaging, that it can lead you to make terrible decisions as an adult and affect you in every single area of your life. So for everyone who says, “It was your choice to be a model and to go through the things you went through,” I say to you: it was never my choice to be abused. To be prostituted by my mom as a kid. To be exposed to the things I was in my childhood and I know that in my modeling career the mental health issues I had greatly affected my choices – we always have to look at why people are the way they are.

I hope my memoir will shed a greater light on sexual abuse, mental illness and of course yes, what can happen in the modeling industry but the book is about so much more than that.

 


J’ai reçu tellement de commentaires de personnes en Europe (ainsi qu’aux États-Unis) concernant les raisons pour lesquelles j’ai choisi de dormir avec le directeur de mon agence de mannequinat.
Il est si clair pour moi pourquoi j’ai mis cette partie de ma vie dans mes mémoires: parce que j’ai été abusée sexuellement comme une petite fille par ma mère et un membre de la famille masculine, que je décris également dans mon livre.
J’ai senti qu’il était très important que les gens comprennent pourquoi nous faisons certains choix. Pour moi, je me suis senti obligé de suivre une carrière où mon visage serait dans le public parce que j’avais une si faible estime de soi en raison des restes d’abus sexuels dans mon enfance.

La violence sexuelle est si préjudiciable qu’elle peut vous mener à des décisions terribles en tant qu’adulte et vous affecter dans tous les domaines de votre vie. Donc, pour tous ceux qui disent: «C’était votre choix d’être un modèle et de passer à travers les choses que vous avez traversées», je vous dis: ce n’était jamais mon choix d’être abusé. Être prostituée par ma mère enfant. Pour être exposé aux choses que j’étais dans mon enfance et je sais que dans ma carrière de mannequinat les problèmes de santé mentale que j’avais ont grandement affecté mes choix – nous devons toujours regarder pourquoi les gens sont comme ils sont.

J’espère que mon mémoire éclaircira davantage les abus sexuels, la maladie mentale et, bien sûr, oui, ce qui peut arriver dans l’industrie du mannequinat, mais le livre parle de beaucoup plus que cela.

BFM TV (France) Troubles alimentaires et psychiques: un ex-mannequin témoigne dans un livre

Watch the video here

Regardez la vidéo ici

Dans l’enfer du mannequinat de Nikki DuBose un livre d’utilité publique

Une Top Model rompt le silence

Nikki DuBose est une vraie américaine « moyenne », pas une star, pas une rebelle, pas une pauvre, non une Américaine comme il y en a des millions. Une femme qui aurait du être aussi anonyme que ses semblables, mais…

Mais elle connut son heure de gloire comme mannequin et surtout, vu son calvaire, elle s’investit dans des associations luttant contre les violences aux enfants et contre les ravages des dérèglements alimentaires. Son autobiographie est aussi un élément sûrement essentiel dans sa thérapie. Car si elle est une américaine « moyenne », Nikki DuBose est aussi et avant tout une victime, une victime de sa famille, une victime d’un système : le mannequinat.

Read the full article on Wukali 

Nikki Talks Eating Disorder & Addiction Recovery with Eating Disorder Hope

Thanks to Eating Disorder Hope for helping to make this Virtual Conference a success!

You can pre-order Nikki’s French memoir, Dans l’enfer du mannequinat: Une industrie qui détruit on Amazon.fr

In Memory of Art Janov

I am very sad today. A dear friend and brilliant psychologist who I learned alot from, Art Janov, passed away. The funeral was today and it is with a heavy heart that I relay this news. When Olivier and I were married, we would spend nights at his house, watching plays that Art, Olivier, and David Foster had worked on.

Art taught me alot about psychology and psychiatry. We would send long emails pertaining to epigenetics and other studies and theories. As someone who is studying to become a psychologist, I looked up to Art tremendously. He pioneered Primal Therapy, if you aren’t familiar, you can find out about it here. 

Today at the funeral, they played Céline Dion’s song, The Colour of My Love. Most of you may not know, but Art wrote the lyrics to the song, while David Foster composed the music. My ex husband and I are very good friends, like brother and sister, and I am extremely proud of the work that he has done with David over the years. Art and Olivier were close.

Most of all, the world has lost a tremendous human being. I think of France, Art’s wife, a magnificent artist. I loved spending time in her art studio and relaxing amongst the flowers. They were a splendid, loving couple. God be with you, Art. Love to you in Heaven.

Charlene McElhinney’s Book Review of Washed Away: From Darkness to Light by Nikki Dubose

After reading Nikki’s memoir I was lost for words. What a remarkable woman, I thought, and oh so courageous! To openly speak out about darker times in your past is draining, difficult and so daunting (I know because I’ve also opened up about my mental health issues through the form of poetry in book form). Putting it out there, for the world to see, is absolutely terrifying. And Nikki shares so much with us. You can’t fault a word in Nikki’s memoir: It is her whole life in your hands. You can feel it. You can feel her pain, her thought process, and more importantly – her desire to be loved. Nikki desperately wanted to be loved throughout her whole life and it breaks your heart reading about her life knowing that there is nothing you can do. I wanted to reach out to this young girl and tell her she is deeply loved – if only someone had.

Read the full review at Charlene McElhinney.

Making changes in the modeling industry

What makes a model healthy? What changes need to take place in the modeling industry?

Thank you Sara Ziff for bringing attention to this important topic on MSNBC.

While appearance alone cannot necessarily mark health, there are standards that the fashion industry has set that have made it almost impossible for girls and boys to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

When you have strict measurements and conformity in any job, there is always going to be a sense of “I failed” in individuals, thus opening the door for destructive mindsets and behaviors.

Model Agents, and the whole of the fashion industry need to be EDucated on the signs of eating disorders and how to create a healthier environment in their workspace.