eating disorder recovery – Nikki DuBose – Author, Speaker, Mental Health Advocate

Yahoo Finance: Eating Disorder Hope Announces Winter 2017 Seal of Excellence Recipients

Posted on January 16, 2017February 3, 2017 by Nikki DuBose

REDMOND, Ore., Jan. 16, 2017 /PRNewswire/ — Eating Disorder Hope is honored to announce the Winter 2017 recipients of its respected Seal of Excellence. These recipients embody Eating Disorder Hope’s message of hope and healing while contributing to the eating disorder community in unique and invaluable ways.

Through the Seal of Excellence initiative, Eating Disorder Hope proudly honors deserving parties from three categories each quarter, including Non-Profit Organizations, Eating Disorder Professionals, and Community Members. This interactive initiative relies on community participation through an anonymous online nomination process.

Get An Autographed Copy of Washed Away for the Holidays!

Posted on December 22, 2016December 22, 2016 by Nikki DuBose

There’s still time to get your autographed copy of Washed Away for your loved one this holiday season! Just click the Buy Now button below and your copy will be on the way.

Get your Autographed Copy of Washed Away: From Darkness to Light!

Posted on November 8, 2016November 13, 2016 by Nikki DuBose

Hi there,

I’m offering a limited number of autographed copies of my memoir! For a short time only, get your autographed copy of Washed Away: From Darkness to Light.

Just click on the “Buy Now” button and your very own, signed book will be delivered to your doorstep!

God Bless,

Nikki DuBose

Recovery Warriors Podcast: From Darkness to Light with Nikki DuBose

Posted on October 23, 2016 by Nikki DuBose

“Nikki DuBose is an excellent example of the transformational powers of recovery. A former model turned author, speaker, and mental health advocate she had many experiences navigating the dark side of the modeling industry, while battling abuse, addiction, and various mental health issues (sexual victimization, eating disorders, alcoholism, drugs, depression, suicide attempts, body dysmorphic disorder, PTSD, psychosis). In her debut memoir Washed Away: From Darkness to Light, she intimately shares her process of destruction to regeneration. Tune into this week’s show to hear Nikki candidly talk about her path to healing.”

Listen to the Podcast with Nikki and Recovery Warriors!

Berry Breakfast Pizza

Posted on March 25, 2015March 25, 2015 by Nikki DuBose

Who doesn’t love pizza for breakfast? I made two different versions, here is the first one!
This recipe is great for anytime of the day 🙂

You will need:

1 pizza crust, like Udi’s

2 tbs butter

4 tbs cinnamon sugar mix (see below)

1 1/2 cups yogurt blend (see below)

1 tbs heavy cream

2 tbs of lemon juice

1 cup of strawberries

1 cup of blackberries

Cinnamon-Sugar: Mix 4 tbs of alternative sugar or organic turbninado raw cane sugar with equal parts cinnamon in a small bowl.

Yogurt Blend: Mix 1 1/2 cups of yogurt with 1 tbs heavy cream and 2 tbs of lemon juice.

To make:

Preheat the oven to 350°. Place the pizza crust on parchment paper and place on a tray. Spread the butter over the crust and then sprinkle the cinnamon-sugar on top. Bake in the oven for about 10 to 15 minutes until it is golden brown, then let it cool.

In a mixing bowl, combine the yogurt, heavy cream, and lemon. Spread it over the crust and top it with the berries and cinnamon-sugar once more. Eat like a pizza, and remember, mindfulness!

God Bless,

Nikki DuBose

Book of Forgiveness

Posted on March 10, 2015September 29, 2016 by Nikki DuBose

Love Letter to God

Posted on March 4, 2015September 29, 2016 by Nikki DuBose

March 4, 2015

Thank You Dear Lord Jesus,

You are my Hope

You are my Strength

You are my Mind

You are my Love

You are my Savior

You are my Rock

You are my Comfort

You are my Healing

You are my Security

You are my Confidence

You are my Peace

You are my Stability

You are my Protection

You are my Beauty

Thank You Dear Lord Jesus,

You love me forever and forever

I love you with all that I am.

-Nikki DuBose

Psalm 56:3,4

“But when I am afraid,

I will put my trust in you.
I praise God for what He has promised.
I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?

What can mere mortals do to me?”

Psalm 57:1-4

“Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy!

I look to you for protection.

I will hide beneath the shadow of your wings

until the danger passes by.

I cry out to God Most High,

to God who will fulfill his purpose for me.

He will send help from heaven to rescue me,

disgracing those who hound me.

My God will send forth his unfailing love and faithfulness.”

The Cure

Posted on February 27, 2015September 29, 2016 by Nikki DuBose

I searched for myself
inside of bottles, liquids
pills and powders too
I took my pain
and numbed it with food
starved myself
’till I was nearly dead
Then one day
as I lay broken on the floor
a man appeared before me
“Are you ready to be healed
take my hand
All you have to do
is accept me.”

Baked Apple Pancake with Cinnamon and Agave

Posted on February 15, 2015February 15, 2015 by Nikki DuBose

Pancake with a twist! Baked in the oven with cinnamon and nutmeg, and topped with butter and agave.

You will need:

1 cup of flax milk (or whatever milk you prefer)

4 eggs

3 tablespoons of Organic turbinado sugar/monk fruit sweetner/honey/agave nectar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract

1/2 teaspoon sea salt

1/4 teaspoon cinnamon

1/4 teaspoon nutmeg

*2/3 cup all purpose flour

*(Note: If you have a gluten allergy, here is a wonderul gluten-free mix from Bob’s Red Mill) http://www.bobsredmill.com/gluten-free-all-purpose-baking-flour.html

1/2 stick of unsalted butter (half for cooking apples, half for melting over finished pancake)

2 apples, any kind, cored and thinly sliced

3 tablespoons brown sugar

agave nectar to top

To make:

Preheat the oven to 425°F. While the oven is warming melt some butter in a pan on the stove and cook the apple slices until they are a golden brown, about five minutes. Whisk together the milk, eggs, sugar, vanilla, sea salt, cinnamon and nutmeg in a bowl until thouroughly combined. Add in the flour and stir until it is smooth. Pour the apple slices with the butter into a baking dish that is 13 x 9. Rearrange the apple slices so that they overlap and then cover with the batter. Cover with a touch of brown sugar. Bake the pancake until it is slightly brown, around 20 minutes, then remove and serve with agave, butter and any other toppings you prefer.

God Bless,

Nikki DuBose

Holiday Eggnog French Toast

Posted on November 4, 2014December 18, 2014 by Nikki DuBose

A fabulous meal to serve for brunch or anytime you like, this french toast is taken to a whole ‘nother level with the use of pure eggnog! Nothin’ says the holidays quite like the taste of eggnog, and this recipe is sure to be a hit with everyone.

I was introduced to this special french toast by Cynthia Tassell, from Camano Island, Washington, and she learned of it from a friend she went to school with. Isn’t it funny how life is? We never know how we will discover our greatest treasures sometimes, and I am grateful these sweet ladies shared this gem with me, so now I can pass it on to you!

God Bless,

You will need:

Large glass pan

Butter/oil/non-fat spray

2 eggs

1/2 cup of eggnog

Four slices of at least a day old, old-fashioned buttermilk bread or similar, thick bread

Topping Options:

A couple of bananas, sliced any way you like ’em

Whipped Cream

Powdered Sugar

Hazelnut Syrup, Sugar-Free

Pumpkin Pie Spice

To make:

Whip the eggs with the eggnog and pour into the glass pan. Soak the bread into the eggnog mixture. Slice your bananas, and prepare your powdered sugar in a bowl as you wish and set aside. Heat the griddle to a medium-high temperature and add your desired butter/oil/non-fat spray. Transfer the bread onto the griddle, and cook for a few minutes on each side, until all parts are golden brown. Be mindful to observe the bread during the cooking process so that it doesn’t burn. Once the bread is golden and finished, you are done! Place each slice onto a plate and add your desired toppings! I love mine with all of the fixins’! Remember to practice mindful eating. Be in the moment, eat at the table, and enjoy every bite calmly.

Cereal Baked With Love

Posted on January 4, 2014January 31, 2015 by Nikki DuBose

I love the reality of being able to enjoy a big bowl of delicious cereal that is homemade!

This cereal is good for you, so bake and eat up! You can double or triple the batch and save for a granola to top on your yogurt as well! ( Parfait, anyone?)

Cereal Baked With Love

You will need:

4 egg whites
2 teaspoons lemon juice
2 Tbs. organic ground flax meal
4 Tbs. almond meal/flour
2 Tbs. Stevia/monk fruit
2 teaspoons cinnamon
2 teaspoons nutmeg
2 teaspoons pumpkin spice
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 cup of almonds/pecans/walnuts/any nuts you prefer
Your favorite fruit (I used strawberries and bananas, yummy!)
1 cup of Flax milk with added protein
olive oil cooking spray/butter

To make:

*Preheat the oven to 275°
*Whisk together the lemon juice and the egg whites until they are fluffy.

*Add in all other ingredients just until combined.
*With a spoon, put batter onto a greased baking sheet in 1″ strips.

*Bake for about 30 minutes or until lightly golden browned.
*Let cereal cool, then place in bowl, top with fruits and pour with your favorite milk! (I prefer Flax milk with added protein).

*Eat, enjoy and be merry! Life is short!

The Hope Diary: Step Twelve: Helping Others

Posted on August 15, 2013November 13, 2014 by Nikki DuBose

We have now arrived at the twelfth and final step of the recovery program. Congratulations! Give yourself a huge hug and relish how far you have come to reach this point. Your recovery is the cornerstone of the success for the rest of your life.

Step twelve touches on what is single-handedly the most important part of daily recovery. Although all of the steps are essential for a healthy soul, mind and body, the twelfth step is crucial because it instills the importance of giving away what you have been given. After all, where would we be if recovery, support, and guidance had not been given to us by others all along the way?

Helping other people get their life back on track by sharing our experience, strength and hope can be done in the form of sponsoring up to the level of your recovery or by being an accountability partner. Just being kind to others and allowing positivity and love to flow through your personality to the world around you enables all kinds of continual healing to take place. When we don’t pass on the knowledge that we have received, we run the assured risk of falling back on our own recovery and becoming selfish and proud.

The steps need to be repeated for the rest of our lives. We never become “too good” for program; rather, our success in life is dependant upon our daily surrender to God and being willing to work on ourselves. Recovery is a beautiful thing; how will you pass it on today?

Thank you to The Life Recovery Workbook by Stephen Arterburn and David Stoop for the following questions.

Our Mission
Isaiah 61:1-3

1. How have I passed through the pain and despair of enslavement to addiction and moved into healing and freedom?

2. Having had a “spiritual awakening” after being set free from my addiction, am I excited or hesitant to share my experience, strength, and hope with others who are struggling with addiction? Why?

Our Story
Mark 16:14-18

Describe the story of your spiritual awakening and how the first eleven steps have brought spiritual principals, truth, and healing into your life. Describe what you were like, what happened, and what you are like now.

Sharing Together
John 15:5-15

1. Am I connected to the vine? How do the Twelve Steps help me to “remain” in him?

2. Is my recovery attractive to other addictive/compulsive people because I am becoming more loving rather than condemning those who need my help?

3. What am I doing to reach out with Jesus’ love?

Listening First
Acts 8:26-40

1. What is my attitude about sharing my story of recovery? Am I reluctant to tell my story, or am I the type that wants to share too much, too soon, with too many people?

2. From either extreme, am I willing to wait for God’s timing for sharing recovery?

3. Do I see my story as valuable to God’s plan? Describe how.

Talking the Walk
1 Timothy 4:14-16

1. Paul encourages Timothy to “throw yourself into your tasks so that everyone will see your progress.” What changes in my life can others observe since I have been sober and working the Twelve Steps?

2. Paul wanted Timothy not only to teach others, but to be an example. When I share my story with others, am I preaching, or sharing my experience, strength, and hope.

3. Am I able to let the other person make his or her own decision by relinquishing control and letting God do his work?

Never Forget
Titus 3:1-5

What do I remember about my last drink or my last binge? Describe that last time, including actions, feelings, behaviors, and thoughts that led up to it and followed it:

The Narrow Road
1 Peter 4:1-4

1. Peter pointed out: “You have had enough in the past of the evil things that godless people enjoy-their immorality and lust, their feasting and drunkenness and wild parties” (1 Peter 4:1-2) the pains of recovery.

2. Does the approval or judgement of others keep me from sharing recovery? Do I fear negative rumors?

3. How can I work the Twelve Steps on this fear?

God Bless,

Nikki DuBose

The Hope Diary: Step Eleven: God’s Will be Done

Posted on August 10, 2013November 13, 2014 by Nikki DuBose

Step eleven of the twelve step program teaches us that recovery is a daily renewal of our minds, bodies and souls. Without surrendering to God’s Will for our lives it is impossible to have a successful and abstinent day. I tried to live my life in recovery my way for a long time until I finally became exhausted because I kept ending up in the same place: failure! I just said “Ok God You win I give up! Your Will be done not mine!” Now whenever I feel myself getting frustrated it is a warning sign that I am trying to live life on my terms, and so I have to 1. Stop and 2. Simply ask God for His help. Man what humble pie tastes like going down! But the rewards of humility and surrender surely are sweeter than trying to do things alone.
Prayer does not have to be fancy. God wants us to come simply as we are. I often pray “Father, your will be done, not my own. In Jesus Name I Pray, Amen.” God is a God of hearts.

What is your Step 11 Prayer that you can use throughout the day?

Thank you to The Life Recovery Workbook for the following questions.

A New Hiding Place
2 Samuel 22:1-33

1. How was addiction a hiding place from life for me? Compare this with having God as a hiding place.

2. Describe how I experience “conscious contact” with God:

Thirst for God:
Psalm 27: 1-6

1. What do I most seek from God?

2. What is difficult about trusting God with my requests?

Joy in God’s Presence
Psalm 65:1-4

1. What keeps me from accepting God’s forgiveness?

2. What scares me about knowledge of God’s will for me?

Finding God
Psalm 105:1-9

1. Is my life changing daily? Am I noticing when I am resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid today? Identify ways that I am changing:

2. Am I aware of others’ feelings, needs, and rights? What have I noticed today?

Powerful Secrets
Psalm 119: 1-11

1. What am I hiding in my heart–secrets of old behaviors and issues, or God’s Word?

2. List what I can thank God for today:

Patient Waiting
Isaiah 40: 28-31

1. How does impatience show itself in my attitude and behaviors?

2. Am I impatient about my progress in recovery? Do I expect myself to “get it” the first time? Do I expect perfection?

3. Why is it hard to “trust in the Lord”?

Friends of the Light
John 3:18-21

1. In what areas of my life am I still afraid to seek God’s will?

2. When I think I am hearing God’s will, whose power do I act on? Am I tempted to do God’s will in my own power?

God Bless,

Nikki DuBose

Dont Wallow in the Spilled Milk: Forgive!

Posted on August 1, 2013September 29, 2016 by Nikki DuBose

One of my sponsees asked how she could be free of all of the people and situations that had hurt her in her past.
This is a common question and something we all have to go through again and again for the rest of our lives. Unless we learn to forgive every time someone offends us we run the risk of holding onto unhealthy resentments that do nothing but hold us hostage in our addictions and keep us from receiving God’s Best Plan.
Let’s say for example you are holding onto resentments from a past relationship.
1. Past Relationship: The fact that you are Aware that you are resentful of your childhood bullies is the first step because it allows you to Accept you have those feelings and then be able to take the spiritual Action you need to be free of it…
3 A’s of Recovery
AWARENESS
ACCEPTANCE
ACTION
Ask yourself “Can I forgive this person/these people”..
If you find yourself saying “No! they hurt ME! I am still messed up inside and hurting because of them”… then just remember this…
When Jesus died for US He payed the ultimate price. He was and is Perfect and Blameless and took ALL of OUR sins and Never ever complained. In fact He did it out of the Purest and Highest Love and Loves us Unconditionally all of the Time. He Forgives us over and over again when we ask Him to sincerely and He is always waiting for us with open and Loving Arms; never judging. Surely we can forgive others just as God Forgives us.
If you still have a hard time feeling like you can forgive remember that you ARE SO MUCH MORE than your feelings and then ask God to help you forgive them. Pray and repent and get down on your knees. Write it out and pour your heart out to Him or maybe say a simple prayer. If you need to ask God to help you forgive them because you know that apart from Him you can do nothing then by all means do it.
But remember that forgiveness is not for the other person it is for YOU. You do not want to waste your life over broken memories and not receive God’s Promises. You do not want to be living off “spilled milk” and find yourself in your eighties one day still bent out of shape because of all of the injustices the world caused you.
After all what have you done to hurt others consciously and unconsciously knowing it…
Ponder that and write it down.

Dinner the Gerson Way

Posted on July 17, 2013January 31, 2015 by Nikki DuBose

(Note: 6/6/2014 I am no longer doing the Gerson Therapy however I highly recommend it to anyone seeking a natural alternative to medicine).

As a result of healing from bulimia and anorexia for seventeen years, I sought many nutritional programs on the road to recovery. The Gerson Therapy came when I was at my wits-end with a swollen liver and kidneys. After I felt God leading me to this radical yet simplistic approach to eating and health, I was set completely free of my pain within a month.

All recipes are taken straight from the powerful book I recommend, Healing The Gerson Way (Second Ed.) Thank you to The Gerson Institute and Charlotte Gerson for whom without none of this revolutionary healing would be possible.

Please read Healing The Gerson Way for more information. Knowledge is power! I use one serving of each ingredient and all are certified organic.

First Course

Tomato and Zucchini Salad

Preparation Time: 15 minutes
Serves: 2

tomato
zucchini
green onion
beet
lettuce

Dressing:
flaxseed oil
yogurt
lemon juice

(Please Note: For the yogurt I use a Goats Milk yogurt).

Chop the tomato and zucchini into chunks.

Slice the green onion and add. Finely grate the raw beet (or chop cooked beet into chunks) and mix into the salad. Lay on a bed of lettuce. Pour over dressing.

Second Course:

Tangy Tomato Soup

Preparation time: 10 minutes
Cooking time: 25 minutes
Serves 2-4

1 lb. tomatoes
1 carrot
1 stick celery
1 onion
1 red bell pepper
little orange juice
yogurt

Chop tomatoes/carrot/celery and onion. Seed pepper and chop. Put all into a large pot and cover with water. Bring to a boil; turn down the heat and simmer until vegetables are tender. Puree (with electric blender or food mill). Add the orange juice. Reheat gently. Add a swirl of yogurt before serving.

Third Course

Baked Potatoes

Preparation Time: 5 minutes

Baked potatoes should be thoroughly washed; not scraped or peeled. Bake in low oven at 300°F (149°C) for 2 or 2-1/2 hours or; alternatively bake for 50 minutes to 1 hour at 350°F (177°C).

Fourth Course

Glazed Carrots with Herbs and Lemon

Preparation time: 5 minutes
Cooking time: 30 minutes
Serves 2

1 lb. carrots
1 tsp. sugar
a little water
1 tsp.lemon juice
mint
rosemary
parsley
flaxseed oil

Gently cool the carrots whole. When beginning to soften remove from pan and cut into 2-inch sticks. Return to the saucepan with the sugar and a little water. Heat until the sugar is dissolved; the water has been absorbed and the carrots are cooked. Add the lemon juice and herbs and heat for an additional two minutes. Place on a warm serving dish and serve immediately.

So there we have our beautiful dinner of healing foods straight from the Gerson Therapy.

God Bless,
Nikki DuBose

The Hope Diary: Step Eight: Reflecting on Who We Had Hurt

Posted on July 5, 2013November 13, 2014 by Nikki DuBose

Step Eight requires tremendous doses of humility and courage as we ponder over the courses of our lives who we have hurt while living in our addictions. Sometimes we have mistreated others and were not even aware that we had done so. As we begin to meditate on those who had been affected by our irresponsibility we quickly find that we can list a slew of of people we had hurt.

This was a tough step for me the first couple of times I went through early recovery and now I really try not to hurt others. I may not always be where I need to be but with God’s help thank God I am not where I used to be! Take heart and know that although your healing journey may seem difficult or like a long road to walk on, that it is a path filled with healing and with healing comes many blessings and happiness. And we all deserve to be happy! Most importantly we all need to learn how to treat other people with kindness and love so this is a very important step to accomplish but with God’s help you can do it one day at a time.

Thank you to The Life Recovery Workbook by Stephen Arterburn and David Stoop for the following questions.

Making Restitution
Exodus 22:10-15

1. How have I failed to respect the property of others.

2. Have I been so harmed or condemned by others that I have avoided responsibility for myself. By whom and when.

3. What excuses have I used for not looking at my behaviors.

Unintentional Sins
Leviticus 4:1-28

1. In what areas have I unintentionally harmed others with my words/moods/self-pity/depression/anger/or fears.

2. In what ways have I acted thoughtlessly without regard for others’ needs or feelings. When; To Whom;

Scapegoats
Leviticus 16:20-22

1. Have I been putting off making a list because I am afraid of some responses. Whose.

2. Have I held on to shame about a certain incident or relationships. What am I willing to do to let go so that I can become willing to make amends.

3. Is there someone I am having trouble forgiving who blocks my willingness. Who.

Overcoming Loneliness
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

1. How have I allowed isolation due to shame and guilt to keep me from supportive relationships.

2. What is the role of shame and guilt in my isolation.

3. Am I willing to forgive myself for the hurt I have caused others. Write a prayer of willingness to forgive and ask for God’s grace to heal these relationships.

Forgiven to Forgive
Matthew 18:23-35

1. Are there people on my list that I am having trouble forgiving for their part in our relationship. Who and Why.

2. What keeps me from letting others off the hook. Fear/Resentment/Caretaking.

3. What blocks me from forgiving others for the wrongs done to me.

a. Fear of what others would think of me. (Pride).

b. Fear of letting others see my hurts.

c. Fear of conflict. Protecting others feelings to avoid conflict.

The Fruit of Forgiveness
2 Corinthians 2:5-8

1. Is there anyone on my list whose behavior I do not approve. Who. Why.

2. Am I willing to let go of judgement and disapproval to open myself to working this step.

3. Have I been so afraid of rejection that I have delayed willingness to make amends. Who could reject me and why.

Reaping Goodness
Galatians 6:7-10

1. What “crop” did I sow while practicing my addiction.

2. Describe the correlation between healthy living and acceptance of the consequences for my addiction/behavior:

God Bless,

Nikki DuBose