Use a paper, your phone notes, your computer, the back of a receipt, your arm, a napkin; anything that you can write on. Jot this down & think about it. ✨
Journaling truly changed my life. I stopped allowing myself to hide from quiet moments where I was too afraid to be 
alone with my thoughts and, instead, wrote them down. It’s not something that anyone “wants” to do necessarily, especially when they’ve been accumulating so much negative self talk & hate for themselves over years of suffering. But that’s one of those “choosing recovery” moments. You have to know yourself to save yourself. ✨
This question is one that really put me off when I was early in my recovery. I didn’t want to admit that I had a weakness, even if I would tell myself my weaknesses in my head all the time. Writing it down on paper was too vulnerable & too close to letting anyone know (even if no one read my journal) that I wasn’t perfect. ✨
My greatest weakness is my empathy & care for others. It has been the driving force of destruction in a lot of my relationships. I care so much that the other person becomes so important to me that I am constantly wanting to take care of them. I forget to take care of me. I lose touch with myself, and then I lose the person when I try to step down from 100% there to 50% there. It’s been a pattern that has repeated itself for my entire life.
My empathy and care for others is also my greatest strength. I found that the best way to stay true to myself and my love for service & making others happy is to reserve those acts for strangers or people who I do not have long relationships with. Every day, I make at least one random person that I interact with happy, and it’s not to feel good about myself. It’s because I feel drawn to them, and connected with their feelings. I feel empathy.
✨
Sometimes it turns out to be extremely detrimental for my own wellbeing & relationships, but a lot of the time it is something that makes me happy to be who I am. A true empathetic heart is hard to come across. & it’s taken me a LONG time to admit it, but I was born with that heart. And that’s pretty freakin awesome. ✨
#beautyproject
beauty
Misconceptions about Mental Illness
#Repost @cosmiccolette (@get_repost)
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WHAT YOU COULDN’T TELL 😔💔 One of the major misconceptions about mental illnesses is that you have to LOOK
sad/sick to have one. Even after having a mental illness for 5 years I still believed this myself and it prevented me from seeking help. Instead of getting the treatment I deserved, I tried to numb the pain myself. At my worst, I would go on multiple nights out a week and get as drunk as possible and get with as many guys as I could too! 😣 On the outside it looked like I was a normal teenager just having fun partying (see left photo). What you couldn’t see was that my life was falling apart. Before every party I would starve all day and at the end of every night I would lock myself in my room and binge until I made myself sick. I would end every night in floods of tears and even scream into my pillow and self harm because I was so hysterical. I tried to get with as many guys as I could because it boosted my self esteem for that short moment. I placed all of my self worth on what other people thought of me. On my outer appearance. I was lost and couldn’t see anything good about myself, and was battling with suicidal thoughts every day. Of course on the outside you couldn’t tell this, and I even stopped visiting my family so they wouldn’t question my behaviours. I became friends with people who were also mentally ill so I could hide and stay sick. Nothing got better until I accepted that I couldn’t survive like this anymore. I was leading a double life and I was at rock bottom. I did so many things to turn my life around. I cut out toxic friendships, I went to the doctor and got professional help, I did CBT, I finally opened up to my family, I stopped using sex/dating as a coping mechanism… and more!! Now I am finally free of mental illness and all I want is to help others. This is why I wrote a book all about the 23 stages I took to get myself back. 70+ pages of my story with advice for you included. Details about my disorder, my friendships, my past relationships and how I came through the other side. If you want to get your copy the link is in my Instagram bio 💖😊 Their is little difference between the two photos..
Bookspin: Self-Image by Nikki DuBose
Self-Image
Inner beauty: you can’t sell it, but it’s your most important feature. Every month on magazine covers, we buy into the promise of “ten steps to…” a better body, bank account, romance, and more, but we hardly focus on the one thing that really matters, which is our souls.
Real happiness is found on the inside. However, we rush off to the stores in an effort to buy our way to true bliss, and this is what keeps us perpetually trapped in the advertising illusion. Things are not bad, neither is wanting to be beautiful, but our minds, souls, and emotions are precious, and they make up the foundation to which all other forms of joy grow. If our minds are out of balance, then how can we expect to ever be truly happy? If we fail to nourish our souls first, then we will never see ourselves as truly beautiful, and we may constantly look to others to validate us.
Read the full post on Book Spin.
Pops of Color
#Repost @leenahlovesherself (@get_repost)
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I love how this photo is mostly black & white with a splash of color. When you’re struggling with mental
illness (or even just life in general) everything can seem like a blur and like every thing is very one-note – like there isn’t any color or light.
However, even in the worst times, there are some pops of color. It can be SO challenging to see them, but they are there.
One way that we can find these moments is by choosing to practice mindfulness. When we anchor ourselves to the present moment instead of being in the past or future, we are able to see the little pops of color that life has to offer, even when times are tough ✨
(Photo by @cmrfx, wearing an @aerie bralette and a @capezio tutu)
#MyFlawsAreFierce
#BopoBallerina
#MentalHealthMonth
Black Girl Magic
Starting this Friday off with some #selflove and #beauty 💕💕💕💕 For my African Queens 👸🏽
#Repost @fatisnotanadjective
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As I previously mentioned, I will be posting some of the pages I have found the most inspirational throughout the month. Today- let’s show @sassy_latte some love!!! #Repost @sassy_latte 
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Black girl magic, you ask? Is it real?
We are told our skin is too dark, yet we glow with pride. We’re told our hair is kinky and short, yet we grow our Afros big enough to block out the sun and locs so long they drag on the ground. We’re slut shamed for birthing children by different men, yet we raise our children, often alone, with passion and perseverance. We’re told we’re ghetto, loud, and dumb, yet we’re quickly becoming the highest educated population in the country. We’re told throughout history that our bodies are exotic and should be used sexually, yet we’re learning to stand in solidarity and take back ownership of our sexuality. We’re painted as desperate arm candy to rappers and athletes, yet many of us own our own businesses and organizations.
The list goes on. The obstacles never end. The judgment never ceases. The only thing that holds true is that Black Women keep shedding light on these myths. We keep our heads held high. We keep surpassing boundaries placed around us. We keep charming the masses despite being told we’re nothing. We keep pushing back, fighting for ourselves and one another. We keep proving you wrong and changing your mind. What else could that be?… To come from the ashes of slavery in America, to endure the metaphorical shackles of the present, and to be born-again QUEENS? … It has to be Magic. Black Girl Magic. And only We have it.
#fatisnotanadjective
Miss Millennia Mag – Advocate for Yourself #LikeaGirl: An Interview with Nikki DuBose
Nikki DuBose is a former model turned author, speaker, and mental health advocate. She recently released her memoir, Washed Away: From Darkness to Light. In Washed Away, Nikki recounts her experiences navigating the dark side of the modeling industry, while battling abuse, addiction, and various mental health issues. She recently appeared on the Oprah Winfrey Network on the TD Jakes Show to speak about her recovery from Body Dysmorphic Disorder and eating disorders, and how the pressure to “fit into” the modeling industry nearly killed her.
Keep reading to learn more about this incredibly strong and inspiring woman, Nikki!
Read the full interview on Miss Millennia Mag.
Trials Come In Bunches But So Do Comebacks
My testimony
by Christopher Chavez
Christopher’s Facebook
I come from a divorced home. My mom raised me, and I have one older brother and one older sister. My mom told me that I was conceived during a reconciliation; I was unplanned and it was an overwhelming time for her. My father was an addict so he was absent most of my life; growing up was hard without a father, my mom worked tirelessly to provide for us. I was a very needy child, I remember always wanting people to like me and I was always looking for a father figure.
The abuse started when I was six or seven years old. I was abused verbally, mentally and physically. The main abuser was a relative; he felt that because I didn’t have a father that he should step in and “discipline” me. Sadly, at times my mom would ask him for help in bringing that “discipline.” I remember being taken into my grandfather’s room and being smacked so hard that I couldn’t move my neck afterwards. To make matters worse no one knew I suffered with ADD and a learning problem ’till much later in life.
I remember being hated by relatives because of my behaviors; they felt sorry for me but at the same time they were cruel. I have been to eight schools in my life – that instability affected me greatly. I never had long term friends and was often hated for being the new kid. I was forced to go to church as a kid so I had some basic fear of God. However during my sophomore year in high school I turned away from God and started to smoke weed; some friends lured me into the drug scene. During that time my family had also lost our family home and we were living with our grandmother, so I started smoking cigarettes, then drinking, and smoking weed. I didn’t care for the high I felt so I stuck with weed until my senior year then I tried meth.
I remember I wanted to get away from my family – I wanted out. I did think about suicide at times to escape my pain but I didn’t want to go to hell. I almost bought a gun from some gang members to kill my abuser, but they wouldn’t sell it to me. They asked why I wanted one and when I told them the truth, they said they didn’t want to be involved with that. After I went to continuation school I felt even worse about myself and more depressed. I was nineteen and older than everyone else because I had been held back two grades. So all I did during school was drink and get high; it was the biggest waste of my life.
For the next four years I went head first into drugs. I was doing meth just about every day, until it came to a point where I stopped because I had a nervous breakdown. I started hearing voices and seeing shadows; I went to God and stayed sober and tried to change my life for the better. I managed to stay sober for five years, then I started using again and hanging out with old friends. That’s when I got into smoking crack. I would go with Simone who would steal a car and we would drive down to the projects in Compton and get a couple hundred dollars worth of crack. During those times we never got caught – it was God’s Mercy that we never got robbed or shot at.
I never stole anything, it was my friend who did; I was just along for the ride but if we would have gotten caught I would have been in just as much trouble as the driver. A few years later I got sober again and tried do the right things, but drugs damage your body, spirit and emotions. I couldn’t get myself together. I ran into hard times, started smoking weed again and began hanging out with the wrong friends. It was the year 2000, I had just gotten a good job as well as my own apartment, then drugs came back into my life again.
I was in a motel room doing meth. I decided to do a hundred dollars worth in one big line, and after I snorted it my nose began to bleed everywhere. My heart was beating so fast I could have sworn I saw it pounding out of my chest; I ran into the shower hoping it would calm me down but it didn’t do a thing, so I started to cry and ran outside naked screaming for help. Someone brought me inside and called 911; when they told me that help was coming, I fell to my knees and began crying out to God, asking Him to not let me die in that state.
That was one of three times I that I rode in the back of an ambulance. The second time I was upstairs at someone’s house. To make a long story short I had to jump out the second story window to get help then walked to the fire department. I was taken to the hospital because I was overdosing again. The third time I was at my aunt’s house. I had done meth, alcohol, and crack everyday for two weeks straight. I had gotten sick so I took some robitussin, but by the second day I started feeling faint. I felt weaker and weaker and began to look pale; my body was ice cold. I called 911 and they gave me oxygen because I felt like I couldn’t breath. After that night I had people saying goodbye to me because everyone thought I was going to die. I cried out to God, “Help me! I wanna live!”
Then in November of 2004, I rededicated my life to God, and never touched alcohol or drugs again. I did, however, have to deal with the aftermath of my addictions. I suffered from horrible anxiety, nightmares, and had a very difficult time trying to rehabilitate my mind. I had lost everything and was starting my life over from the bottom. I realized that staying sober meant the difference between living and dying.
I know God gave me a another chance for a big reason; I’ve stayed sober all these years by being rooted in a church and cutting off all relationships with anyone that used drugs or partied. I also found role models to look up to, such as my cousin Danny Perea who used to be a heroin & cocaine addict, Adam Goldstein AKA “DJ AM,” as well as some well known ministers on TBN. As of today I am one of the leaders of the youth ministry at my church and I’ve witnessed to them many times about about my past with addiction and speak on abstinence too. I give all glory to God for saving me from myself, and refer often to the Bible verse that got me through the darkest of times:
Psalm 118:17 says, “I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.”
On a side note, my father came back into my life in 2005. He is now sober and recently married. He opened up and told me that he had been living on Skid Row for twenty-one years during his addiction; he now does ministry work on Skid Row every weekend and feeds the homeless with his church. I just want to close and say that if God can change my life he can change yours; a better day is coming, don’t give up. Jesus loves you so much that He died for you. As well there are plenty of programs such as AA that are available for you. You can also find wonderful programs through your local church. Someone is always ready to help you.
“Trials come in bunches but so do comebacks” – Christopher Chavez
If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please contact: 1-800-273-8255, or visit: National Suicide Prevention Lifeline’s Website
If you are an adult victim of child abuse, please contact: Help for Adult Victims of Child Abuse
For help on drug and alcohol addiction, please contact: National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence, Inc.
The Stitch – Model Nikki DuBose Had A Secret
“Fashion Model Nikki Dubose had a secret. 40% of all fashion models have an eating disorder and she was one of them. She did everything she could to meet the impossible standards set by the fashion/modeling industry and paid the price with her health. She got out to save her life and has been an advocate for change ever since.”
Read more on The Stitch.
Poison by Amanda M.
“The air I’m breathing is toxic. As soon as it enters through my nasal airways, as it goes down my esophagus entering into my lungs, it turns into poison. Filling up the emptiness, the hallow spaces in my stomach. My chest. My heart. My veins. It’s as pure as innocence of a child at first. Until it meets my thoughts. Until it meets my inner demons. As soon as it touches me. As soon as it enters me. The pure air never leaves pure again as I exhale. It has been poisoned. I have poisoned it. And I am filled with sorrow and panic when I feel the air fluctuating through my lungs. My body is working so hard to keep itself alive. While my mind is trying to kill itself. It’s quite the irony you see. Both ends fight just as hard as the other but I feel both ends exhausting more and more at each end of each day. It’s a race to see who’s going to get to the finish line first. One step in front of the other.”
Beauty Inside of You
up in the sky
heaven flashed before me
endless treasures
sapphires, emeralds
yet I returned
because none compared
to the beauty
inside of you.
©2015 Nikki DuBose
The Golden Letter
Late one winter’s eve
as the wind mocked and moaned
I uncovered a golden letter
and here is what it read:
‘O, Frankly my mind
I am no respecter of your thoughts
No longer your slave
A prisoner of your delusions
I am not.
You wail in the night
singing for my soul,
and whisper quietly in the stills of the day
concealing your intentions
But I,
I am free
Frankly my mind
I am me.’
©2015 Nikki DuBose
B.E.A.U.T.Y Art Project “Shine”
“All of the stars twinkle for you. This world needs your beauty! You shine so bright!”
I hope you never go another moment wondering if you are special. Look up at the stars in the sky at night and know that God made them for you. The stars shine for you to soak in and meditate on.
Did you know that you were born to do great things in this life, and burst with your inner beauty just like the stars?
God Bless,
Nikki DuBose
The Hope Diary: Step Eight: Reflecting on Who We Had Hurt
Step Eight requires tremendous doses of humility and courage as we ponder over the courses of our lives who we have hurt while living in our addictions. Sometimes we have mistreated others and were not even aware that we had done so. As we begin to meditate on those who had been affected by our irresponsibility we quickly find that we can list a slew of of people we had hurt.
This was a tough step for me the first couple of times I went through early recovery and now I really try not to hurt others. I may not always be where I need to be but with God’s help thank God I am not where I used to be! Take heart and know that although your healing journey may seem difficult or like a long road to walk on, that it is a path filled with healing and with healing comes many blessings and happiness. And we all deserve to be happy! Most importantly we all need to learn how to treat other people with kindness and love so this is a very important step to accomplish but with God’s help you can do it one day at a time.
Thank you to The Life Recovery Workbook by Stephen Arterburn and David Stoop for the following questions.
Making Restitution
Exodus 22:10-151. How have I failed to respect the property of others.
2. Have I been so harmed or condemned by others that I have avoided responsibility for myself. By whom and when.
3. What excuses have I used for not looking at my behaviors.
Unintentional Sins
Leviticus 4:1-28
1. In what areas have I unintentionally harmed others with my words/moods/self-pity/depression/anger/or fears.2. In what ways have I acted thoughtlessly without regard for others’ needs or feelings. When; To Whom;
Scapegoats
Leviticus 16:20-221. Have I been putting off making a list because I am afraid of some responses. Whose.
2. Have I held on to shame about a certain incident or relationships. What am I willing to do to let go so that I can become willing to make amends.
3. Is there someone I am having trouble forgiving who blocks my willingness. Who.
Overcoming Loneliness
Ecclesiastes 4:9-121. How have I allowed isolation due to shame and guilt to keep me from supportive relationships.
2. What is the role of shame and guilt in my isolation.
3. Am I willing to forgive myself for the hurt I have caused others. Write a prayer of willingness to forgive and ask for God’s grace to heal these relationships.
Forgiven to Forgive
Matthew 18:23-351. Are there people on my list that I am having trouble forgiving for their part in our relationship. Who and Why.
2. What keeps me from letting others off the hook. Fear/Resentment/Caretaking.
3. What blocks me from forgiving others for the wrongs done to me.
a. Fear of what others would think of me. (Pride).
b. Fear of letting others see my hurts.
c. Fear of conflict. Protecting others feelings to avoid conflict.
The Fruit of Forgiveness
2 Corinthians 2:5-8
1. Is there anyone on my list whose behavior I do not approve. Who. Why.2. Am I willing to let go of judgement and disapproval to open myself to working this step.
3. Have I been so afraid of rejection that I have delayed willingness to make amends. Who could reject me and why.
Reaping Goodness
Galatians 6:7-101. What “crop” did I sow while practicing my addiction.
2. Describe the correlation between healthy living and acceptance of the consequences for my addiction/behavior:
God Bless,
Nikki DuBose
The Hope Diary: Step Five, Trusting Another
After going through my Step Four Inventory the first time in 2010, I was scared to death to actually share it with another person. I had read in my recovery book early in my program that I had to confess my deepest, darkest secrets to God and to a trusted sponsor, pastor or unbiased friend.
At that time I remember thinking: “HUH? How humiliating! Wasn’t it good enough to give it to God in prayer and trust that He was Healing me? Why would I tell my shameful past to another person? Besides, they would just hurt me like everyone else…right? How in the WORLD could I truly trust blindly someone else. I knew it, here was the catch. I knew this recovery program was too good to be true, everything always is. No one and nothing is ever to be trusted. There is always fine print.” And I thought like this for about, oh, a good six months or so the first time I went through Steps 4 and attempted to go through Step 5. And I backtracked in my recovery and slipped into old habits because of FEAR. Do you know what fear really stands for? F.E.A.R. False Evidence Appearing Real.
I was so afraid of the false scenarios I spent more time making up in my mind about sharing my mess with my sponsor than actually DOING it for the healing that I needed to get, that I ended up having a relapse. Now, relapse can be a part of recovery, but do you see what I am saying that if we just learn to take hold of the fearful thoughts and know that God is with us and for us, and just DO the things that are being asked of us, surrender and get the help we need, we would see so much victory in our recovery and lives.
Fast forward, three years later, strong in recovery, Praise the Lord I did regain victory over the relapse and did end up completing Steps 4 and 5 (a few times). I had gotten a wonderful sponsor and life coach who really worked and worked with me and never gave up. I would never be where I am without my sponsor and without working with her and continually taking inventory and telling her about my messes. I believe that we generally give up too easily in life and we can give up on others too soon also. You never know what you can do for another person’s life if you just keep praying for them, working with them, and helping them in any way you can.
In the Catholic religion, confession is very similar to step five, you know, going and releasing your sins to the priest and being relieved of your burdens. Well in recovery, your past and the things underlying your addiction truly have to be inventoried and shared with God and another person because if not, they continued to get buried. Our secrets, pains, traumas, defects and past fuel our addiction if we do not get healing for them. This is what I consider to be the most critical step of any 12 step program.
So as I continue in sharing from the Life Recovery Workbook, here are the questions from Step Five.
“Overcoming Denial
Genesis 38:1-301. What am I avoiding in Step Four by delaying Step Five?
2. What is the exact nature of my wrongs as listed in Step Four?
3. What interferes with my being honest about myself?
Unending Love
Hosea 11:8-111. How do I react/respond to the truth that God does not give up on me?
2. What keeps me from being truthful with God?
3. What makes me think that I can hide anything from God?
The Plumb Line
Amos 7:7-81. Have my morals and values been in line with God’s? Explain.
2. Have I had morals and values without being able to apply them to my life? Explain:
3. What has kept me from staying in line with God’s and my own morals and values?
4. Am I ready to surrender to God’s moral “plumb line” and share my Step Four Inventory? If not, why am I hesitating?
Feelings of Shame
John 8:3-111. What scares me about sharing “the exact nature of (my) wrongs” with another human being?
2. Who is my fear related to in my past? How did this fear develop?
3. Has there ever been a time in my life when I felt the fear and took action anyway?
4. Have I set the appointment for completing Step Five by sharing my Step Four Inventory? My commitment to myself:
Date: Time:
Receiving Forgiveness
Matthew 5:23-241. Why would God want reconciliation before praise when we bring gifts to him?
2. Does anyone have anything against you that needs to be reconciled? Who and why?
3. What would be the impact on your life if you opened yourself up to forgiveness of others and from others?
Freedom through Confession
James 5:161. Lack of confession and openness with others results in a self-constructed prison. Do you know what that is like? Describe it here.
2. How can confession result in such profound healing?
3. Reflect it here on God’s command to be open not just to Him but also with each other.
Escaping Self-Deception
Lamentations 3:401. As you examine yourself, can you admit to some self-deception in the past?
2. Does anyone have the freedom to speak truth into your life on a regular basis? Who?
3. Ask three or four trusted friends to write five words describing your strengths and five words describing your weaknesses. Record them here and examine them to discover areas you can work on within your small group of trusted fellow strugglers.”
Thank you to The Life Recovery Workbook by Stephen Arterburn and David Stoop for letting me reprint the above questions to help further the recovery process for those still suffering.
God Bless,
Nikki DuBose
The Hope Diary: Step Four, Coming Clean of My Deepest, Darkest Secrets.
Now that I had one, admitted I was powerless over my addiction, the biggest step towards recovery I could ever take in my life, I then had two, allowed that God could restore me to sanity.
As I have discussed in my earlier Hope Diary entries, this was a journey that took a couple of years to walk down. I was constantly battling with myself, thinking that I was my own god and my pride is what kept me bound to my eating disorders during that time.
Third, I had to finally give in to God and just say, “Lord, Your Will be done, not my own.” I learned that every time I found myself in a tempting situation to give into my addiction, I would surrender to God and pray that prayer. Many times I have failed and slipped into the addiction like a bad habit, and on those times I know better that as a Child of God I do not have to listen to the lies of the devil that I am a failure. I get right back up, learn from my mistakes, and do my very best to not repeat them from that moment on. I see myself as a victorious person now, not as a broken person like I did most of my life. That victim mentality is what used to hold me back and bind me in my addictions. It doesn’t serve me anymore.
The fourth step is one that I see many people afraid to take. It is where we take “a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” (Life Recovery Workbook). We go through our entire life, even our deepest, darkest secrets. We list all of the people, places and things that we have fears, resentments, angers and sadness against. We look at our own character and evaluate our defects. What about ourselves do not add up? Are we selfish? Angry? Corrupt? Do we use people? Steal? Lie? Cheat? We go by a recovery program workbook and disclose our information with a trusted sponsor, friend, pastor, or someone that we feel we can go to in total anonymity and confidence. We understand that what we share will never be revealed to anyone else and that this is to help mold us into better human beings. We also take a look at our strengths, because it is not healthy to just mark our weaknesses. We seek to become stronger and wiser as a result of this process, even if it is temporarily painful.
If you feel that you would like to get started with your Step Four Inventory, but are unsure as to where to go to begin, I have provided The Life Recovery Workbook Inventory to help get you started. There was a great quote that was shared with me from the AABB that says, “We are only as sick as our secrets”. When I heard that, I realized that a lot of the shame and guilt that I was trying to bury all of these years was dying to be set free. Once I began to share my deepest secrets with my sponsor, I received God’s forgiveness and was truly able to allow for healing to start flowing through my body, starting from the innermost parts of my soul. I had never experienced such Grace and rawness before. It was as if I was free to be the person that God had created me to be! What a glorious concept. No more hiding!
Thank you to The Life Recovery Workbook for the following questions:
Coming Out of Hiding
Genesis 3:6-131. When and in what ways have I led a “double-life”, looking good on the outside while full of shame about my addiction inside?
2. By hiding my problems with image management, how has my shame taken root and grown in my heart? Am I fearful to admit what is there?
3. Am I ready to deal with “the dirt”, to wash the inside so I can live free? What holds me back?
Facing the Sadness
Nehemiah 8:7-101. What painful memories keep me from going forward in writing a Fourth Step inventory? Describe them.
2; What have I been afraid of facing?
3. What role has shame from past mistakes played in keeping me from starting and completing an inventory?
4. Does pride tell me that I don’t need an inventory? Have I told myself that others who are in more dire straits than I am are the ones who really need it?
Confession
Nehemiah 9:1-31. What behaviors over my lifetime have been offensive to God?
2. What destructive habits need to be identified and confessed to God?
3. What blocks and resistances do I have to being honest with God about my wrongdoings?
4. What consequences from past wrong choices am I living with today?
Family Influence
Nehemiah 9:34-381. Are there people in my family of origin whom I have blamed for my life situations and resulting addiction? If so, who?
2. What resentments do I carry toward them, even if unrelated to addiction?
3. What truly brought me into the bondage of addiction and dependency (what is my responsibility, my part in it)?
Finger-Pointing
Matthew 7:1-51. Is it easier to look at the faults and shortcomings of other people in my life, past and present (such as bosses, coworkers, classmates, church members, pastors), than to recognize my own?
2. What is the “log” in my eye, the blind spot that has caused me trouble and given rise to pride, finger-pointing, and eventually to addiction?
3. Where and when have I stepped on people’s toes and invited retaliation? Have I been proud, blaming, or tearful?
Constructive Sorrow
2 Corinthians 7:8-111. In what ways have I avoided facing my sorrow about how my addiction has impacted my life and the lives of others?
2. Am I willing to set aside time to grieve and allow humility to grow in me? When? What is my commitment to myself, my growth, and my recovery?
3. Am I bent on self-condemnation? Am I now willing to let God’s mercy go with me as I examine my faults and their impact on others?
God’s Mercy
Revelation 20:11-151. Taking a moral inventory of ourselves here on earth will help to prepare us for the life to come. Is anything standing in the way of my taking action, such as pride or fear?
2. As I trust God in Step Three, am I able to let go of pride and fear in Step Four and allow His Will to be expressed through me? If so, write out a prayer of trust and willingness to complete Step Four.
3. Write down a list and description of resentments, fears, wrongdoings, and character flaws such as pride, jealousy, domination of others, self-centered needs/wants, etc. (Use extra space if necessary.)
Fears:
Resentments:
Wrongdoings (i.e., what actions have I committed which oppose my own and God’s morals and values?):
Character Flaws (remember that honesty and humility are character strengths that we are building here, so be as thorough and honest as possible to move toward long-term recovery):
Where have I acted out of pride, vanity, or a sense of superiority?
Where and when have I tried to dominate others (e.g., at work, home, marriage)?
What makes me jealous, envious, or covetous (wealth, good fortune, successful kids, functional families, jobs, and/or positions of others)?
Where and when have I demanded that my wants and/or needs come before those of others, especially those of my spouse, children, or coworkers?
4. After careful self-examination, am I more convinced than ever that I need a Savior every day, not just for salvation, but to walk in freedom from addiction and sin? If so, write out a prayer to God that expresses your complete dependence upon Him for salvation and freedom.
God Bless,
Nikki DuBose
Sky & Sand Editorial, Space Magazine with Oscar Munar, Ibiza
Editorial: “Sky & Sand”
Space Magazine, June 2012
Ph: Oscar Munar
Shot in: Ibiza
Styling: Katia Gregori
Hair and MUA: Luiz Mantei
XOXO
God Bless the World
Nikki DuBose
Alfonso Vidal-Quadras Skin Beauty Series
Photograher: Alfonso Vidal-Quadras
Shot in Spain
XOXO
God Bless the World
Nikki DuBose
Lander Larranaga
Photographer: Lander Larranaga
Shot in: Spain
XOXO
God Bless the World
Nikki DuBose
Editorial with Antia Pagant: Clara Magazine June 2012
Photographer: Antia Pagant
Shot in Sant Pol De Mar, Spain.
XOXO
God Bless the World
Nikki DuBose
Beauty “How To” For Day Time Makeup
Photographer: Patricia Gallego
Published in the June 2012 issue of AR Magazine, Spain.
Shot in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.
I loved being in that place. Such a vibrant culture, serene beaches, and some of the kindest and most humble people I have ever met.
XOXO
God Bless the World
Nikki DuBose
Isabel Morgado April 2012
Isabel Morgado, April 2012
Spain
Peace, Love and Light
XOXO
God Bless the World
Nikki DuBose
Spanish Fashion, Street Style
In the streets (los calles) of Spain. Shot by Pablo Riccardulli.
XOXO
God Bless the World
Nikki DuBose
Fashion with Jack Eames and the F.A.M.E. Team/London
Photographer: Jack Eames
Shot in London with the F.A.M.E. Team and GHD.
XOXO
God Bless the World
Nikki DuBose
Joy Magazine, Germany
Editorial: “Country Affair”
Shot in Miami with an amazing team!
XOXO
God Bless the World
Nikki DuBose
Glamour Magazine by Juanjo Molina
Glamour Magazine, Latin America.
Photographer: Juanjo Molina.
Shot in Miami, Florida
XOXO
God Bless the World
Nikki DuBose
Beauty Shoot with Damon Hall Booth
Photography by Damon Hall Booth
Shot in Miami, Florida.
Hair and Makeup by Mary Irwin and Miriam.
XOXO
God Bless the World
Nikki DuBose
