Our Angel Mom

Sandy Cargile memorial video by Nikki DuBose from nikki dubose on Vimeo.

In honor of our beautiful mom. There really are not enough words right now to express how much Anthony and I love and miss you.

Love,
Your babies

Healing My Body with the Foods I Eat: Healing The Gerson Way

(Note: 6/6/2014 I am no longer on The Gerson Therapy but I highly recommend it for anyone seeking a natural alternative to medicine. I do still cook their incredible and healthy recipes!) 

Healing The Gerson Way: if you are considering doing the Gerson Therapy at home or want to just educate yourself more in this area I highly recommend this book. It also includes their best-selling DVD: The Beautiful Truth. This therapy  helped to heal my body from the damages that incurred as a result from a more than seventeen year battle with eating disorders, drug and alcohol addictions. My kidneys, liver and digestive system were completely wrecked, and by using this book I was able to bring my body back to a place of stability.

Please visit the Gerson Institute Online at http://gerson.org/gerpress/ to find out more about the Gerson Therapy and how you can do it at home.
God Bless,
Nikki DuBose

God Loves You

I was so Blessed to receive this jewel of a devotional in my inbox this morning from a dear friend. What a great reminder is to to know that God loves us and delights in us just the way we are! It makes me feel released of stress and gives me a healthy dose of confidence to meditate on the Truth that my worth comes from Whose I am…God’s Child! 🙂 I hope you enjoy this devotional as much as I do.

God Bless,
Nikki

“… that the world may know that you sent me, and that you loved them even as you loved me.” (John 17:23)

Have you ever seen a first-time father hold his new baby? It seems that the two connect immediately—and in some deep and unexplainable way. It’s as if the father instantly falls in love with his child. Even the baby seems to recognize and respond to his familiar, reassuring voice. The delight between the two is evident. Even as that baby grows, the father’s delight in his child can deepen, encompassing the child’s personality, gifts, talents, and even quirks.

Now, if a human father can take such delight in his children, imagine how God must delight in us!

Even though Jesus says it clearly in today’s Gospel reading, we can still find it hard to accept: God loves us “even as he has loved” Jesus. Can God really delight in us, with all of our sins, weaknesses, and failings, as much as he loved his only-begotten Son?

Since we know it is true—because Jesus tells us it is—let’s try to imagine it. Picture yourself sitting next to Jesus, enjoying the warm conversation of two close friends. Now imagine Jesus saying something like “You know, my Father really loves you. He’s as crazy about you as he is about me.” You nod politely, but in your heart you just can’t believe it—not even though Jesus himself said it.

Just then, God walks in and greets you with a huge smile. You lock eyes, and like the baby and the dad, you feel a love and familiarity that enfolds you. You immediately know that he delights in you, and that knowledge fills your heart with elation.

Go ahead and bask in your Father’s love today. Let it fill you with the courage you need to face your day. Let his love propel you to take up the battle against sin. Preserve this feeling of God’s perfect love for you throughout the day, and watch to see the effect it has on everything you do.

“Father, I am amazed that you could love me as much as you love your Jesus. Help me continue to enjoy the depth and the breadth of your love today, so that I can grow in my love for you.”

Acts 22:30; 23:6-11; Psalm 16:1-2, 5, 7-11

Pea Salad with Turkey Bacon

I just adore this fresh take on the classic pea salad! I opted for turkey bacon instead of the regular bacon, and instead of normal sour cream I used sour cream with chives. For the cubed cheese I substituted applewood smoked cheddar to add some interesting flavor. Enjoy!

I got this recipe from The Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook 15th Ed., just like my mom used to use 🙂

PREP: 20 MINUTES
CHILL: 4 TO 24 HOURS
MAKES: 6 TO 8 SIDE DISH SERVINGS

1 16-OUNCE PACKAGE FROZEN PEAS
4 OUNCES CHEDDAR CHEESE CUT INTO 1/2 -INCH CUBES
1/2 CUP CHOPPED CELERY
1/2 CUP MAYONNAISE
1/2 CUP DAIRY SOUR CREAM
1 SMALL RED ONION FINELY CHOPPED
1 TEASPOON SNIPPED FRESH DILL OR 1/4 TEASPOON DRIED DILLWEED (OPTIONAL)
1/4 TEASPOON SALT
1/4 TEASPOON BLACK PEPPER
2 SLICES BACON CRISP-COOKED; DRAINED; AND CRUMBLED.

Place the peas in a colander and run under cold water just until thawed but still cold: drain well.
In a medium bowl stir together peas, cheese, and celery. In a small bowl stir together mayonnaise, sour cream, onion, dill (if desired), salt, and pepper; Add to pea mixture. Stir to combine.
Cover and chill for 4 to 24 hours.
Just before serving top with bacon.

God Bless,

Nikki DuBose

The Hope Diary: Step Four, Coming Clean of My Deepest, Darkest Secrets.

Now that I had one, admitted I was powerless over my addiction, the biggest step towards recovery I could ever take in my life, I then had two, allowed that God could restore me to sanity.

As I have discussed in my earlier Hope Diary entries, this was a journey that took a couple of years to walk down. I was constantly battling with myself, thinking that I was my own god and my pride is what kept me bound to my eating disorders during that time.

Third, I had to finally give in to God and just say, “Lord, Your Will be done, not my own.” I learned that every time I found myself in a tempting situation to give into my addiction, I would surrender to God and pray that prayer. Many times I have failed and slipped into the addiction like a bad habit, and on those times I know better that as a Child of God I do not have to listen to the lies of the devil that I am a failure. I get right back up, learn from my mistakes, and do my very best to not repeat them from that moment on. I see myself as a victorious person now, not as a broken person like I did most of my life. That victim mentality is what used to hold me back and bind me in my addictions. It doesn’t serve me anymore.

The fourth step is one that I see many people afraid to take. It is where we take “a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” (Life Recovery Workbook). We go through our entire life, even our deepest, darkest secrets. We list all of the people, places and things that we have fears, resentments, angers and sadness against. We look at our own character and evaluate our defects. What about ourselves do not add up? Are we selfish? Angry? Corrupt? Do we use people? Steal? Lie? Cheat? We go by a recovery program workbook and disclose our information with a trusted sponsor, friend, pastor, or someone that we feel we can go to in total anonymity and confidence. We understand that what we share will never be revealed to anyone else and that this is to help mold us into better human beings. We also take a look at our strengths, because it is not healthy to just mark our weaknesses. We seek to become stronger and wiser as a result of this process, even if it is temporarily painful.

If you feel that you would like to get started with your Step Four Inventory, but are unsure as to where to go to begin, I have provided The Life Recovery Workbook Inventory to help get you started. There was a great quote that was shared with me from the AABB that says, “We are only as sick as our secrets”. When I heard that, I realized that a lot of the shame and guilt that I was trying to bury all of these years was dying to be set free. Once I began to share my deepest secrets with my sponsor, I received God’s forgiveness and was truly able to allow for healing to start flowing through my body, starting from the innermost parts of my soul. I had never experienced such Grace and rawness before. It was as if I was free to be the person that God had created me to be! What a glorious concept. No more hiding!

Thank you to The Life Recovery Workbook for the following questions:

Coming Out of Hiding
Genesis 3:6-13

1. When and in what ways have I led a “double-life”, looking good on the outside while full of shame about my addiction inside?

2. By hiding my problems with image management, how has my shame taken root and grown in my heart? Am I fearful to admit what is there?

3. Am I ready to deal with “the dirt”, to wash the inside so I can live free? What holds me back?

Facing the Sadness
Nehemiah 8:7-10

1. What painful memories keep me from going forward in writing a Fourth Step inventory? Describe them.

2; What have I been afraid of facing?

3. What role has shame from past mistakes played in keeping me from starting and completing an inventory?

4. Does pride tell me that I don’t need an inventory? Have I told myself that others who are in more dire straits than I am are the ones who really need it?

Confession
Nehemiah 9:1-3

1. What behaviors over my lifetime have been offensive to God?

2. What destructive habits need to be identified and confessed to God?

3. What blocks and resistances do I have to being honest with God about my wrongdoings?

4. What consequences from past wrong choices am I living with today?

Family Influence
Nehemiah 9:34-38

1. Are there people in my family of origin whom I have blamed for my life situations and resulting addiction? If so, who?

2. What resentments do I carry toward them, even if unrelated to addiction?

3. What truly brought me into the bondage of addiction and dependency (what is my responsibility, my part in it)?

Finger-Pointing
Matthew 7:1-5

1. Is it easier to look at the faults and shortcomings of other people in my life, past and present (such as bosses, coworkers, classmates, church members, pastors), than to recognize my own?

2. What is the “log” in my eye, the blind spot that has caused me trouble and given rise to pride, finger-pointing, and eventually to addiction?

3. Where and when have I stepped on people’s toes and invited retaliation? Have I been proud, blaming, or tearful?

Constructive Sorrow
2 Corinthians 7:8-11

1. In what ways have I avoided facing my sorrow about how my addiction has impacted my life and the lives of others?

2. Am I willing to set aside time to grieve and allow humility to grow in me? When? What is my commitment to myself, my growth, and my recovery?

3. Am I bent on self-condemnation? Am I now willing to let God’s mercy go with me as I examine my faults and their impact on others?

God’s Mercy
Revelation 20:11-15

1. Taking a moral inventory of ourselves here on earth will help to prepare us for the life to come. Is anything standing in the way of my taking action, such as pride or fear?

2. As I trust God in Step Three, am I able to let go of pride and fear in Step Four and allow His Will to be expressed through me? If so, write out a prayer of trust and willingness to complete Step Four.

3. Write down a list and description of resentments, fears, wrongdoings, and character flaws such as pride, jealousy, domination of others, self-centered needs/wants, etc. (Use extra space if necessary.)

Fears:

Resentments:

Wrongdoings (i.e., what actions have I committed which oppose my own and God’s morals and values?):

Character Flaws (remember that honesty and humility are character strengths that we are building here, so be as thorough and honest as possible to move toward long-term recovery):

Where have I acted out of pride, vanity, or a sense of superiority?

Where and when have I tried to dominate others (e.g., at work, home, marriage)?

What makes me jealous, envious, or covetous (wealth, good fortune, successful kids, functional families, jobs, and/or positions of others)?

Where and when have I demanded that my wants and/or needs come before those of others, especially those of my spouse, children, or coworkers?

4. After careful self-examination, am I more convinced than ever that I need a Savior every day, not just for salvation, but to walk in freedom from addiction and sin? If so, write out a prayer to God that expresses your complete dependence upon Him for salvation and freedom.

God Bless,

Nikki DuBose