How to Be Sexually Self-Confident

Now I know this is a very loaded topic, as sex is different for everyone, so approach this from your personal perspective if you will. Psychologically speaking, sex leads to our innermost human desires; for example, for bonding, power, enjoyment and even acceptance (never has this been more true for those of us who are sexual abuse survivors). Depending on many factors, like how we were raised, our environment, culture, the media, etc., our attitude concerning our bodies and sex can be primarily negative or positive. Just pop on social media and you’re likely to get mixed messages from influencers screaming that “sex is bad!” and “cover up!” to “be sex positive” and “don’t slut shame!” If you’re not a self-confident and grounded person in your personal sexual values then it’s easy to get confused as to who to be and how to act both in the bedroom and out of it…

Let me just break it down to you, and this is coming from a person who was sexually abused as a child, raped as an adult, and felt objectified for years as a model. You are fucking amazing. You don’t owe anyone anything when it comes to your body and sex. You are a fantastic sexual being, and in order to own that, it all starts with self love and compassion. Particularly if you ever gone through any sort of trauma, you owe it to yourself to get to know your damn self first, from the inside out. This starts with tuning out all other people and coming to know yourself in an erotic and healthy sexual way. Ask yourself: Who am I as an authentic person? What do I enjoy and not enjoy? Start there and remember these three things when you are forming self-compassion:

  • Self-kindness: Treating ourselves how we would treat a true friend. to ourselves the way we would relate to a dear friend.
  • A Familiar society: Knowing that we are not by ourselves when it comes to our challenges and self-doubts.
  • Being Present: Harboring consciousness in this moment without blame.


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